Going Deep

2006-12-27T13:45:00.000-06:00

Good - Bye, My First Blog Page

2006-05-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

Good-bye, my precious page.

Hello to something new! Please join me at the following page:

http://going-deep.blogspot.com

See you there!

The End of An Era

2006-05-09T13:08:00.000-05:00

Friends,

I regret to inform you that this blog is ending. ***Tear***

I am tired of the format getting messed up - so I will be beginning a brand new blog.

Oooh, I heard the applause from the audience! :) Please continue to join me in my adventure. If I'm on your links or page in any way, you will need to change my link to my new blog homepage. I will post up on here when I am making the transfer.

It's really okay. I like change, and I think it will be good to start fresh. Blogging has been therapeutic and encouraging and energizing as I continue to communicate, be challenged, and be spurred on by many of your comments and suggestions.

See you on another page, my friends!

Help!

2006-05-05T09:17:00.000-05:00

I am computer illiterate - i dont know what happened, but all the sudden, my profile pic and links ended up at the BOTTOM LEFT side of my page!

Can someone please help me figure out how to get them back up to the top right? I'm so confused....may just need to start over....unless someone knows how to help!

Thank YOU!

Friends Part 2

2006-05-04T09:14:00.000-05:00

*NOTE - PLEASE READ THE OTHER POST BELOW FIRST*

Because the first post wouldnt let me upload more photos - I broke it into two posts...

Oh Joanna! What would my life be like had I never met you? A330 2004 changed my life, and God was glorious to bring you into my life that day. You are a deep-heart friend. I like that we can wrestle through our crap, cry together, walk early in the mornings and pray together, love the nations with one heart, laugh until we pee our pants - well, literally! Thanks for introducing me to your family - I've never met one quite as deep, loving, inspiring, and endeering as yours. Your heart is my David - I am your Jonathan. And I think we were twins separated at birth. Seriously. You are my bestest friend. And so pretty in this picture!

Laura! So great to catch up with this treasured friend. Even though months and months pass without a conversation between us, we pick up like we just talked yesterday. Laura, you challenge me, you brighten my day, you make me love the Lord and remind me how HUGE He is. I'm glad we can continue to be like-hearted, to keep each other aware of our hearts and our dreams, and that you love me. Your friendship is a treasure to me. He gives and takes away - and I'll always think of you when He does so in my life!

Oh Miss Miya. I've never had a two 1/2 year old friend until you. You teach me so much about life, childlike faith, simple thinking, and that life is precious, created, and worth exploring. I love when you wake me up in the morning. I love when we laugh together. I love that you pray for me every day. Thanks for bringing out my crazy side. Thanks for reading me books, especially "Don't worry duck - we'll make a deal!" I know I will never forget these years with you - and I hope someday we will be good friends, no matter what. You're the coolest cat, and I've got your back. Thanks for being the coolest niece ever. I'm glad I'm your aunt.

And I could go on. And on and on. We have the greatest, bestest, and most enduring friends. I have no idea why God would bestow these people on us but to draw us more unto Himself. I love you Jesus - thanks for my friends.

Friends Part 1

2006-05-04T08:24:00.000-05:00

How did Marcus and I come to have some of the greatest friends in the world? We are definately blessed. I am choosing to highlight a few "key players" in our lives right now.

Andrew - What a guy! Marcus praises you more and more as the months go by. Thanks for remaining a faithful friend to him. Marcus is always so refreshed when he returns home from time with you. I think your roadtrip to Colorado was the coolest things he's ever had anyone do for him. Even me! You are a great friend.

Jeremy. (No photo available) You and Marcus are two guys I might not have thought would become such great friends. But what a blessing! Marcus enjoys the depth of conversations, the disc golf partner, and the blessings that you pour out upon him. You've been a great friend to me over the years - I'm glad that we can both cherish your coolness! :)

Derek. You are the coolest brother-in-law EVER. (unless Linds and Jess can prove me wrong!) Marcus looks up to you in so many ways, and talks about you more than you know. You've taught him a lot about life, about being a daddy, about being a friend, challenging his thinking, and teaching how to be a DUDE through disc golf, finger snaps, poker, beer, grilling, building, and tearing apart things. Basically, you are one of the coolest guys he knows. You rock.

Lori and Amy. Wow. Two people I dont deserve to have in my life. Amy - you are a testimony of the Lord's great mercy and grace upon me. You are someone I cherish, and I am blessed that we can struggle through life together. Lori - you are an answer to a year's worth of prayer. Being that you are an answer to prayer, you bless my life indeed! Thanks for your faithfulness and for taking me under your wing Monday nights. You're amazing.

Joni. You are the best and ONLY sister in law I get! (Unless Brian pulls through!) I love it! You and I are so different, yet we click in many ways. Thanks for always prying me open and making me talk. You are the greatest mommy and I am glad we are like sisters. I think I'd come to you with anything I need help with. You are confident, you are classy, you are SO FUNNY at Truth or Dare, and I love to laugh, cry, and just BE with you. You're a great friend for life.

Oh, Al Pal - there is NOBODY like you. I dont think I'll ever know anyone like you! You are the most unique, most genuine, most carefree and honest person I've ever known. You were my first college friend. You are my most closest buddy on a daily basis. MSN is a blessing! :) You never cease to bring a smily to my face, to make me laugh, to cry and comfort me, and to shed your emtions and burdens as openly as though we were sisters. Thanks for keeping me accountable, for listening to my sin, and for giving me grace and loving me regardless. You are a lifer. I friend for life, my dear. You are a precious gem - so precious.

Who Would've Thought

2006-05-02T12:33:00.000-05:00

Who would've thought that I'd gain the most perspective, be challenged daily, and be encouraged to grow and learn and shift with life from blogging! It's one of those "beyond what we can ask for or imagine" things! Seriously. How strange that I gain so much from fellow believers who I will likely never see face to face? God, thank you for technology and this crazy world of blogging.

Please check this out. It gave me a sense of peace today, and in my head I said "YES! It's true! That's totally what I'm experiencing. I wish I had KNOWN that before leaving school, that somehow I would have prepared for it!" But, at the same time, I'm really glad I didnt know about it. The darkness of 2005 in my life was what God used to "sift me like wheat" - seriously. I was sifted. And I HAD to go through it to find my footing, my own, individual, real, deep, and true faith and relationship with Christ. It's like we're in a new relationship! Like I'm starting over, but on a different level. My base is sturdy now, and it's time to ricochet out of here! :)

I guess you have to be in my head to really get this. But check out the post anyways. It's a good one.

Uh Oh...

2006-04-28T09:58:00.001-05:00

50 %

My weblog owns 50 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

Fun Friday

2006-04-27T22:16:00.000-05:00

So, even though it's Thursday night as I'm writing this, I wanted to get a post out there for ya'll to read on Friday. I might not be at my desk much - spring cleaning will be happening in the back tomorrow at work. Therefore, please enjoy this post.

Going with the theme of doing something "different" on my blog, I'd like to add this as a new thing. So today, Marcus and I became the rich owners of a world map! I say rich b/c we've wanted to have a world map up in our home to pray for the nations - and BAM, one falls into our laps for free. Indeed we are rich!

So today, I'd love it if each of you who reads this would pause your reading and pray for the country of Uganda. It is evidently on my heart this weekend - as there is global awareness happening to draw our eyes to the horrible, mind-boggling things that happen in this country day in and day out (see post and link below). I'd love to see God's hand move in this country to see all of our prayers lifted up for other nations. Today it's Uganda - next week, who knows? ;)

So my good friends - thanks for reading and thanks for praying. It's exciting to get on my knees on behalf of people that exist, but people I may never ever see. God is MIGHTY to save, and He is at work in this small but very active country of Uganda. What an honor to be able to join these friends of ours in spirit and in prayer.

So until next time, I'll keep "exploring the world" until we meet again. I think my camera flash is trying to tell me South America... :)

When Opportunity Knocks

2006-04-26T14:04:00.000-05:00

I have never been one to take part in anything like a "movement" or a "protest" or even an event that will draw awareness. The biggest thing I might have done was Run for the Roses (raises $$$ for arthritis research) and Relay for Life (raises $$$ for cancer research and people). But now I have an opportunity to do something to RAISE AWARENESS.

Check this out:

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/theMovement/globalNightCommute/?location=IOWA+-+Des+Moines

I'm actually considering participating - just because my heart longs to DO SOMETHING, and because it's happening like 10 miles from where I live, and because I want to learn how it feels to at least have TRIED to make a difference. By joining with others, I can stand up for something I believe in. Something worth fighting for. Even though I cant go to these countries and I cant stand up against the enemies of innocent men, women, and children - I can join together with other like-minded strangers and show someone that I care.

Anyone want to join me? Seriously - I am asking for real. Lemme know. This Saturday - all nigth long. 7pm to 7am. DSM. And we'll be walkin. Any takers?

Sams Club, Peanut Butter, and Dreams

2006-04-25T10:45:00.000-05:00

What do all of these have in common? They were a part of a great night I had last night.

Last night was my regular Monday night get-together with my good friends Lori and Amy. We do a Bible study together, but most of the time we pray and watch as God breaks into our moments together. Sometimes we're frustrated. Other times we cry. Still other times we're rolling in laughter. Probably the greatest day of my entire week.

After letting our stomachs settle from the awesome, awesome Sam's Club Delight (Lori's secret recipe), some fruit salad, and some mini-peppers of the red and orange persuasion ("Is that yellow?"), Amy opened her heart to us. In frustration and anger over what she was experiencing, Lori suggested we pray. And pray we did. And God showed up...

I am not one to say I have any sort of "gift of prophecy" or the ability to discern great things or the skill of seeing visions. But last night, it was clear as a picture before my eyes. As Lori was praying over Amy, God placed 2 distinct pictures in my mind - one was of an eye doctor, and the other was of a warrior. When it was my turn to pray, I just handed these visions over to the Lord and prayed as I felt led about what they could possibly mean in Amy's situation. When we ended in prayer - Lori said that just this morning, God placed that word and vision on her heart and mind as well - of a warrior. It was pretty incredible, to sit together and just praise God that He was there. He was joining us at the picnic table. And even more so, He was using the Body of believers to minister to Amy's tender heart.

"How great is our God? Sing with me, how great is our God? All will see how great, how great is our God!!!" I cant help but hear the words of Chris Tomlin singing this in my head. So fitting.

After eating a banana and peanut butter to "cure my sunburn," we dove into updates about other things as we sat together in the living room, calmed by the breeze in the windows and the setting of the evening sun. I had an awesome opportunity to share my dream trilogy with these women, the first time I've talked openly about it. Never, ever, EVER in my entire life have I been able to discern and interpret dreams until God moved in my heart after this third dream. Basically, God moved in my mind and helped me remember these three dreams and then to make sense of them in a way that ministered to my EXACT SITUATIONS I was going through. These three dreams caused great peace - overwhelming excitement - and much settling to occur in my spirit about a season in my past that was causing me great unrest. It was beautiful to speak these things aloud and expose my healing process and the THRILL of God showing me that yes, He is the same today as He was in the Old Testament as He will be in the future. He still speaks through dreams.

"Age to age He stands. Time is in His hands. Beginning and the end, beginning and the end...
Name above all names, worthy of all praise. My heart will sing, how great is our God!"

Friends, I am deeply encouraged by the Lord today. I have had this growing sense that God is doing a new thing in my heart and in my life. It began January 1, 2006 as I sat in a hotel room with a handful of best friends from college, as we prayed for each other and asked God to move in our lives this year. It is an exciting thing to be at the mercy of God's will, His direction, His leading, and His work. I am deeply humbled by God's power in our midst last night, and yet I am fully charged and more aware of what can be done in Jesus' name. Prayer is powerful - it is alive - it is real - it is a fragrant offering to the Lord - and it moves His hand. Is there really anything or anyone like our GOD???

I confidently stand today and say the answer is NO. Heck no.

"I do not cease to give thanks for you (Amy and Lori), remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your heart enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all." Ephesians 1:16-23

Faithful Blogworld Friends...

2006-04-21T13:50:00.000-05:00

Just to keep you in the loop of my ever-changing life:

I have been deeply inspired by so many other blogs this week. It's been great to read, but it's also helped me sort through the thoughts in my head and actually fill my head with more thoughts about good things to think upon! :) Crazy how that works.

Anyways, I've got some ideas for new blog posts - things I'd like to write about and things I'd like to interact with ya'll about. I know you are all on the edge of your seats (yeah, sure.) but sit tight: I will be filling my space here with lots of words and ideas!

Thanks for remaining with me, even when I blank out and leave you stranded with nothingness these days. I'm hoping to get back into the blogging mode over the weekend and into next week.

Until then - enjoy this beautiful spring weather. Unless you're in a cold part of the world. Then ENDURE! until we meet again.

FINALLY! A New Post

2006-04-19T11:35:00.000-05:00

I have a sense of silence in my life right now. Not so much outwardly or if you talk with me in person - but in the world of blogging - silence. I dont know why. I cant explain it. I just feel like my passionate words, opinions, and need to write have settled for the time being. Perhaps it's the investment in other things. There's been a lot happening in my life. Check it out:

Car hunting! The time has finally come to get a new car. We're on a low budget, looking for a used car with low mileage and gets good mpg on the open road, since we travel a lot. If anyone out there has any suggestions or options - I'll take it!
Family Trauma: My grandpa has been having his chemotherapy treaments to attack his ongoing battle with lung cancer. On top of that, my grandma had a freak accident and landed in the hospital for 7 days. Easter was spent in the hospital and running with the punches with plans changing. Another relative in my family is causing a lot of drama and she was uninvited to Easter dinner. Is it ever going to end? My prayer and hope is that she will see ways she needs to change, and that my family will not push her away but draw her close, even when she's outrageous and ridiculous.
Restlessness: Im thankful for a place to live, but I'm getting a HUGE itch to get out. I just wrote an entire page and deleted it - I was ranting! If anyone wants to know why - just ask.
Church: I'm very, very excited. Recently we've been attending Prairie Ridge in Ankeny - we wanted to strike out on our own, away from people we knew - but we've not found "home" in another church. After many conversations, we're gonna give this one a try for awhile. And at the EXACT time of our decision (how interesting and PERFECT is God's timing?) good friends of ours that are married called and asked where we were going to church - we mentioned our hearts and decision, and they too are considering trying the Ridge for awhile. It's awesome to be like-minded with friends, with people who also agree in giving a church at least 4-5 weeks before really making a decision to try someplace else or to get involved. We're very, very excited for this new season. I'm also reading an awesome book called "Organic Church" - God is teaching me to enjoy the moment and the churches around me, but to seek Him for deeper issues I have with church. who knows what will happen...
Missions: OH MAN. I just finished listening to the GREATEST sermon on CD. Brad Boozer is a man who spoke at the Perspectives course in Iowa City last month. He talked about missions and it blew me away. Absolutely. It spoke to the stir in me, it reminded me and refreshed me with a new fire and zeal for the nations, and it gave Marcus and I confirmation and purpose behind the heart we have to GO. Go to the nations. Expend our lives on behalf of people who have never heard of Jesus Christ. Very exciting. Let me know if you want a copy - it's waaaay good.
Running: Recently Marcus began training and running consistently. He's working towards a 1/2 Marathon in July! woop woop! I started to run too - just recently, on my own. God is reminding me how good it feels to train my body, and how many spiritual analagies and lessons I learn from that time on the open road with Him. It's like such a sweet time that God impresses things on my heart. And when He doesnt, it's great to run to the pace of David Crowder's voice. So fun. I'd like to run races again - train to be a consistent runner. Hopefully this drive persists...

Okay - I gotta go. Lunch time. Thanks for reading. Derek - thanks for reminding me that it's been so long! I'll try and do better and post more often...

Later!

Why?

2006-04-12T12:22:00.000-05:00

Why do I get so sad when people don't update their blogs more often, when here I sit not updating mine for long periods of time? I'm kinda funny like that.

I've been tossing around ideas and thoughts of what to post today, but I'm settling with a few simple verses:

"And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." - Luke 1:45

"Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." - James 5:16

Before I go - I wanted to say. Last night I had such a vivid dream, it's gotten me hooked on asking "Why? Why would I dream such a detailed, obviously purposeful dream?" I wish I could explain it to you all. If anyone wants to know the whole story - you'll have to email me. It takes some time to describe it.

In the meantime, may these verses be of some service to you.

New Seasons

2006-04-06T12:30:00.000-05:00

Spring is bringing an entirely new season into Midwest USA, but it is also bringing in a whole new season of my life! So many things are changing, so much is coming alive inside of me.

To read more - check out http://www.xanga.com/kelbel82.

On another note - I have been overwhelmingly excited about my new "blog family." I've been networking with a few really awesome people, and it's awesome for one fact - they are challenging me to grow, to refocus my priorities, to acknowledge aspects of my life that need to change, to seek the Lord more fervently. It's very exciting.

Two new things I see changing in my near future (as of this week. Subject to change the next!):

Learning to curb our spending and use our money more wisely
Pray more specifically and intercede more often on behalf of those I told I'd pray for
Start learning to sew - oh man...this is a big one. I've got ideas in my head, creative things I want to make - and I want to be more creative instead of spending money for clothes and other items that I can easily make from my own home.
Seek the Lord specifically for what to do after Marcus finishes school in December
Learning calligraphy
Paint and draw more often - it is therapeutic and allows me to think and process without talking too much or having emotional outbursts
Stop sitting in front of the TV and start cleaning, decorating, and cooking like I want to
Getting outside daily (unless it's rainy like today might be) and rollerblading, walking, or running
Getting more involved and connecting with more people around me
Fasting - start the practice and learn more about it. Why would God have me fast? I've done it before - but is it something to have more frequently in my week-to-week life? I want to know and discover and experience.

Thanks for reading, faithful friends. Blogging has been a great relief of my thoughts, feelings, questions. I've come to realize my 20's might be the greatest decade of discovery in my life. And I dont say that lightly. I think it's very true.

Saving Space X 2

2006-04-06T11:13:00.000-05:00

Okay, so when you click the link below, scroll up.

Saving Space

2006-04-06T10:34:00.000-05:00

you guys gotta check this out. It's really crazy but really cool!

Talk about saving space...

but the moon shines: lucky drops

Apologies

2006-04-04T12:55:00.000-05:00

I dont know what seems to have happened to my blog, but hopefully all's well now. I will be posting something again soon - for now, my mind is completely consumed with a million and one things floating and meandering about. Hopefully after much deliberation, pondering, and deep thinking, I will get a grasp on something sound and put my thoughts into words.

Thanks for checking my site anyways! :)

IOWA CITY - Here I Come!

2006-03-31T15:57:00.000-06:00

Hey Hey Ya'll. I'm off to the thriving metropolis of Iowa City for the weekend! Joanna, I will faithfully give hello's and kisses to all your peeps you left behind there. I may even show off this fabulous picture of you - just to find out how many people you've impacted in that city! :)

And - I just wanted to share this picture of my favorite friend with the rest of my blog family. Cause you just look so dang cool. And Hawkeyes Rule.

Adios Amigos! Adios Amigas! Hasta el Lunes! Buenos Noches! Les veo a Lunes. Muwah! (beso)

Life at 14,433 Feet

2006-03-31T13:29:00.000-06:00

mt elbert

Okay, so I was reminded of this *Majestic* mountain through a fellow blogger's site. AHHH! Isn't he gorgeous??? And we climbed it. All the way to the peak. Before sunrise! What a glorious moment that was.

Mountains and the climb up make me think about life so much more quickly. Anything that's worth seeing or experiencing is WORTH THE PAIN AND WORK that it takes to get there. Seriously. I hope I never forget that lesson. I think the greatest thing pushing Marcus and I to climb them all is the lessons learned and the wisdom and understanding gained from the experience up the mountain.

PS-Get this. Apparently there's a peak (might be Lincoln) in the long list of 14ers that is privately owned. Apparently the owner is closing down the mountain! I didnt even know this could be done. The government is trying to get to the oil or something natural that has to do with this mountain. On one hand - good, let's preserve nature. On the other hand, any one of us going for the goal of climbing all 14ers might be cut short by this one.

What's That Out West?

2006-03-30T15:14:00.000-06:00

We're about to get smashed! Spring is finally here! Thunderstorms, rain, hail, tornados...

BRING IT ON! SPRING IS HERE!

Guess I'm Not Spoiled!

2006-03-30T13:09:00.000-06:00

*Personal Note: I dont agree with this quiz. I mean, just because I was on the honor roll or just because I eat a home-cooked meal does not necessarily make me spoiled! But I thought it was fun anyway...

If you have over 40, you ARE spoiled.

own cell phone
own phone line
own bathroom
own room
pool
guest house
game room
tv in your room

Total=3

queen-size bed
more than 20 pairs of shoes
10+ things from a designer store
good grades
expensive sunglasses
ipod (I've got the Shuffle)
xbox 360
ps2
mp3 player
nintendo
sega

Total=3

basketball hoop
scooter
rollerblades
air hockey table
pool table
ping pong table
foose ball table
trampoline
live near/on a lake or pond
own a pair of skiis
own a snowboard

Total=2

has a boat
has a jet ski
has a beach house or cabin
only child
stereo in bedroom
dvd player in room
100+ dvd's
gets $50+ for allowance each month
goes shopping every month
shops at abercrombie or hollister

Total=2

goes snowboarding or skiing every week (end)
2+ family cars
perfume/cologne
aim
msn
yahoo
5+ trophies/medals
own digital camera
walk in closet

Total=4

electric scooter
dirt bike
4-wheeler
guitar/drums
hammock
been on a cruise
traveled out of the country
graduation gift
personal fit trainer
expensive jewelry
owns prada/coach
met a celebrity

Total=3

straightener/curling iron
gets hair done/nails/spa
son/was on a team for school
own batting cage
$100+ in wallet/purse right now
own savings account
been to the carribean
been to europe
been to hawaii

Total=2

been to new york
shopped in seattle
eaten at the space needle in seattle
been to mall of america
spent $500 or more in mall of america
been on the eiffel tower in paris
been on the statue of liberty in new york
been on honor roll for 2+ years
went on a trip for a sweet 16 birthday
license
moved 3+ times

Total=4

hot tub
pet
ranch
verizon/sprint/cricket
cingular/t-mobile
virgin mobile
us cellular
been to 5+ states in the u.s
have a job
100+ buddies on messenger

Total=3

alarm clock
home cooked meal almost every day
ate out almost every day
been in a limo
computer
own laptop computer
own desktop computer

Total=4

Grand Total=30

Have You Noticed...

2006-03-28T16:22:00.000-06:00

I'm going a little crazy. I'm trying to make my blog look cool. I really love this layout - but I'm having a hard time changing the size of the photo in the upper-left corner. Any of you computer-saavy people have any suggestions or comments?

Thanks for your patience as I strive for a "new do" for the spring season.

The Great Battle

2006-03-27T10:01:00.000-06:00

Another thing on my mind today...I've been doing a study on the names of God. It's one of the greatest studies I've ever gone through. Anyways, the most recent part I've been going through talks about the sovereignty of God, El Elyon - God Most High. And the study went through a few chapters in Job. In these chapters is seen something that I've never considered, and it's POWERFUL. It's changed my perspective and understanding of the enemy's place in my life. I'll post the verses and give my "insights" to follow:

Job 1:6-12; Job 2:1-10
1:6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came among them. 7 The LORD said to Satan, "From where have you come?" Satan answered the LORD and said, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it." 8 And the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?" 9 Then Satan answered the LORD and said, "Does Job fear God for no reason? 10 Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. 11 But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face." 12 And the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand." So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD...

2:1 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came among them to present himself before the LORD. 2 And the LORD said to Satan, "From where have you come?" Satan answered the LORD and said, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it." 3 And the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast his integrity, although you incited me against him to destroy him without reason." 4 Then Satan answered the LORD and said, "Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. 5 But stretch out your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face." 6 And the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life." 7 So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and struck Job with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. 8 And he(Job) took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes. 9 Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die." 10 But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

Okay folks. These passages are POWERFUL and full of Truth! Here are a few things I noticed:

The enemy had to enter into the presence of the Lord each time.
God spoke to satan first in each meeting...he was not able to speak to God unless spoken to first.
GOD was the one who suggested Job to satan, as one whom he might "consider", or pay some attention to.
Satan had tried to attack Job before - but it says Job "turned away from evil". Even the enemy noticed and realized the hedge of protection the Lord placed around Job and all that he had and all those in his family. The enemy had never been able to penetrate God's protection!
Have I already said this? God is the one who put the idea of Job into the enemy's plans...
God is the one who gives permission - He gives permission - to the enemy to attack Job and all that he has. But Job's life is never at stake...God still has ownership of his life.
When the enemy returns to the presense of the Lord, he is not able to pose an arguement or to boast or to get angry with God - he must realize God won the first battle!
Satan's reply in chapter 2 is pretty much that Job is just trying to save his own life - he wants Job to feel the physical, personal pain - surely THEN, in all his heartbreak and pain, he will turn against the Lord.
And again, GOD GIVES PERMISSION to the enemy to inflict pain upon Job's body. But his life is still in God's hands...God is ruling of Job's life and death.
His wife was acting as a foolish woman. Even the one person, most close and intimate to Job, the one he probably loves and trusts more than any other person, incites him to turn his back on God.
His response is amazing - "shall we receive good but not evil?"

WOW people!!! This passage is POWER! The enemy has to ask permission from God to do ANYTHING. All things are controlled by God, even the schemes, tricks, deceptions, horrific, terrible, and aweful things that the enemy performs. God is the one that speaks our name to the enemy - the one who suggests who the enemy pay attention to. Is it to test our faith? Is it to display to the enemy God's power? And we must see the bigger picture - there was great PURPOSE in God's allowance of these things. In the end, Job revered God in a greater way than he had in chapter 1; the enemy walks away as defeated, once again; the list goes on and on.

In my own life, I get so discouraged and run-down when I feel "attacked". I have never had something tragic or horrific happen very close to me or in my own life like Job faced, but I am exactly like Job - I have a choice to make. When faced with pain, trials, suffering, and hardship, do I give credit to the enemy and cry "Woe is me! Why me? Why this? Why now? What is happening? What did I do wrong?" and etc. Or, do I instead seek God and say "You have chosen this to happen to me, Lord. Teach me to stand strong; teach me to seek your will and to wait on you for the outcome. What would you have me learn? Display your healing and your love in my time of weakness and suffering. Show me HOW GREAT you are."

I am having a hard time expressing in words how huge this passage is to me. Basically, I have a new perspective on God's power, and a new perspective on the enemy's ultimate weakness. I see God's control, and I see the enemy's great lengths he will go to just so we turn our backs against God. And I see that in Christ - there is ALWAYS victory in the end, and always a certain defeat of the enemy. So much so that he has no way of fighting back - no way of convincing God for another chance. He must move on and try something new.

In every war, there is life and death. Some die fighting; some are casualties-innocent people who've done no wrong. There is victory and there is defeat. There are wounds. There are life-long scars and memories that never fade. And there are lessons learned. Many soldiers walk away stronger than when they first set foot on the battlefield. In this battle - in the battle between eternal Life and eternal death - I must see that God always, always, always gets the victory. And no matter the things I see, the pain I feel, the ways I suffer or the loss of life around me, I must choose to see God has a greater plan than any I can imagine.

Crop Circles

2006-03-27T09:52:00.000-06:00

So, last night I was flipping through channels on TV while trying to recover from a fire-hose-feeding of a weekend. I saw a show about "crop circles" - you know, those mysterious shapes and designs showing up in wheat crops in England and random places in Europe. It was interesting - so many people had their own speculations, some saw flashes of white light and then the designs appeared almost instantaneously, some sighted shapes in the sky. As I sat there I couldnt help thinking "Lord, what will it take to get our attention?"

Personally - I believe God is either creating them or allowing "something" or "someone" to make them, all to get our attention. Why do people try and attribute strange and freaky happenings to aliens, creatures, animals, people? It's so easy to freak ourselves out. And for most of the world, it's difficult to realize there are two sides vying for our time and attention. There is a real battle going on, a real spiritual battle. There exists God's army, and there exists evil. It is REAL!

Any thoughts? Anyone have a pressing opinion about the creation of these intricate designs and patterns?

Food for thought, on a Monday morning.

Chords of Blue

2006-03-24T09:56:00.000-06:00

Numbers 15:38-40
38 "Speak to the people of Israel, and tell them to make tassels on the corners of their garments 39 And it shall be a tassel for you to look at and remember all the commandments of the LORD, to do them, not to follow after your own heart and your own eyes, which you are inclined to whore after. 40 So you shall remember and do all my commandments, and be holy to your God.

Last summer I did a study with my good friend Mal. We went through the topic of Faith with Beth Moore in her study "Believing God." To begin the book, she gave us this verse to think about and consider as we began the study, and as we began to live a life where we Believe God for what He says, for who He is, and for what He can and will do. Holiness is a big topic...but this verse captured my heart, especially.
Last year was a hard year for me spiritually. Leaving college left me empty-handed in some ways: no friends, no church, no discipleship, no accountability, nothing but the Lord. Though a difficult transition, it was PERFECT. God used last year to strip away all the things I'd clung to, all the things I thought gave me the perfect equation of knowing God. But do you know what equation really works for me? Kelli + God. Nothing else. Same for you! __ + God. All it takes. All the things/people I had in college were so good- and it was so very needed. But it is NOT what my relationship with Jesus stands on. I was trying to make it Kelli + Stacy + Deb + Bible study + Leading Bible study + daily hours in the word + hours of prayer + retreats or conferences + + + = Relationship with God. Man, my faith has been brought back to it's organic, simple roots. Thank God for training in all those things - it's now foundational in me. But if I dont have them every day, I'm still okay because I KNOW JESUS!

Okay, that was a tangent. Anyways...back to last summer's study. One morning Mal and I decided to make blue chords of our own - we made bracelets! These were to serve the purpose of reminding us to question: am I following the commands of the Lord, or am I seeking my own desires? Am I running after holiness or am I whoring (strong language - but it's definately true) after things that lead to my ruin?

Well, Mal - the bracelet still stands strong. I think there is a REASON it has not fallen off my wrist yet. I'm not saying it will fall off only after my life is "perfect" - that will never happen on earth! I'm just thinking perhaps it's still there to remind me of my original commitment, my desire for holiness, and my commitment with and to Mal.

The bracelet is hanging on by threads. In the same way, I will be beaten and battered by life, and my tassels in the end will be torn and withered away. But my hope is that my Spirit will remain strong, that my Spirit will be growing in holiness, and that I will be a walking, living, and one day dying testimony of God's power in a life.

Joshua 3, 4

2006-03-24T09:31:00.000-06:00

Joshua 3
1 Then Joshua rose early in the morning and they set out from Shittim. And they came to the Jordan, he and all the people of Israel, and lodged there before they passed over. 2 At the end of three days the officers went through the camp 3 and commanded the people, "As soon as you see the ark of the covenant of the LORD your God being carried by the Levitical priests, then you shall set out from your place and follow it. 4 Yet there shall be a distance between you and it, about 2,000 cubits in length. Do not come near it, in order that you may know the way you shall go, for you have not passed this way before." 5 Then Joshua said to the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you." 6 And Joshua said to the priests, "Take up the ark of the covenant and pass on before the people." So they took up the ark of the covenant and went before the people. 7 The LORD said to Joshua, "Today I will begin to exalt you in the sight of all Israel, that they may know that, as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. 8 And as for you, command the priests who bear the ark of the covenant, 'When you come to the brink of the waters of the Jordan, you shall stand still in the Jordan.'" 9 And Joshua said to the people of Israel, "Come here and listen to the words of the LORD your God." 10 And Joshua said, "Here is how you shall know that the living God is among you and that he will without fail drive out from before you the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Hivites, the Perizzites, the Girgashites, the Amorites, and the Jebusites. 11 Behold, the ark of the covenant of the Lord of all the earth is passing over before you into the Jordan. 12 Now therefore take twelve men from the tribes of Israel, from each tribe a man. 13 And when the soles of the feet of the priests bearing the ark of the LORD, the Lord of all the earth, shall rest in the waters of the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan shall be cut off from flowing, and the waters coming down from above shall stand in one heap." 14 So when the people set out from their tents to pass over the Jordan with the priests bearing the ark of the covenant before the people, 15 and as soon as those bearing the ark had come as far as the Jordan, and the feet of the priests bearing the ark were dipped in the brink of the water (now the Jordan overflows all its banks throughout the time of harvest), 16 the waters coming down from above stood and rose up in a heap very far away, at Adam, the city that is beside Zarethan, and those flowing down toward the Sea of the Arabah, the Salt Sea, were completely cut off. And the people passed over opposite Jericho. 17 Now the priests bearing the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firmly on dry ground in the midst of the Jordan, and all Israel was passing over on dry ground until all the nation finished passing over the Jordan.

A few years back, I heard my pastor in Boone speak about this passage. It was powerful. So powerful. He encouraged us to close our eyes and put ourselves in the place of these men and women. All of the people were sleeping in their beds the night before - knowing that the next day they were to cross the mighty Jordan River. You know what I heard? I heard rushing water; I heard the roaring rapids and imagined the depth of the center of the river. The river was high in this time, overflowing its banks because of the season. That's a lot of water to cross! And God was going to get me through it??? YES.

This passage is one of my favorites. All we have to do is FACE OUR FEARS. Face hardship, just dip our toe into something overwhelming, something that may seem impossible. Because to God, nothing is impossible. He can DO it. He wants to do it in our lives! All these priests had to do was dip their toes in the water, just give it a try, trusting in what they could not had never had seen before. And up the waters rose. They crossed on dry ground.

The thing I keep thinking is "We've heard this story before." Yes, in Moses' day, the waters of the Red Sea were parted in order that the Israelites might pass in front of their enemy on dry ground. Did they die? Did anyone drown? Not a single one but their enemy. And again here...the waters certainly rose a second time, in a new place, in a new situation. And the people once again crossed on dry ground. Not one lost his life. What makes us think that this time in life is any different? Why are we so afraid of trials, of persecutions, of suffering, of pain? Why do we think it's the end of all? Why do I keep my eyes so focused on the overwhelming reality of the situation and forget - FORGET - that God has made the waters rise before? He will certainly do it again!!! This passage gives me great confidence that even though it's not a physical river or sea that we face, these very real situations and experiences and calling we face - no matter how overwhelming or scary or painful they may seem - God intends for us to dip our feet into it. He desires we step fully off the safety of the bank and walk into the water. Our feet may be wet at first, but we will certainly walk through on dry ground.

Joshua 4:20-24
20 And those twelve stones, which they took out of the Jordan, Joshua set up at Gilgal. 21 And he said to the people of Israel, "When your children ask their fathers in times to come, 'What do these stones mean?' 22 then you shall let your children know, 'Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.' 23 For the LORD your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the LORD your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, 24 so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the LORD is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever."

What is the purpose of walking through deep waters in life? I believe it is so we leave a legacy...not a legacy of stories of trials we've overcome, but trials God has taken us through in order to display His mighty power and His name unto the world.

I have a newfound passion and desire - I want to seek out the members of my family. Those whom I know are still alive - my grandparents, my great aunts, my parents, my cousins...and I want to make a record of the hardships they faced and the story of walking through them on dry ground. I want to make a legacy of how God has worked in my family. Even though these stories may come out of the mouths of unbelieving family members, I know that it has been GOD in my family. What a beautiful thing! And I dont want to miss it. The days are getting shorter, lives are too precious not to ask these questions now. I want to set up my own 12 stones and may they be a legacy and a testimony for my children, for my neighbors, for anyone who comes by and asks "What do these stones mean?" To God Almighty be glory and praise and honor.

The Unexpected

2006-03-24T08:47:00.000-06:00

I have the greatest friends in all the land. I love my friends!

One in particular sent me the greatest gift ever. I walked up to my doorstep last night after work and saw this box sitting there. We noticed it was Fresh Cuts - flowers. Both my husband and I thought for sure it was for his parents (we live in the lower level of their house). After the funeral last week, it just made sense.

Until we noticed the name on the package said "Kelli Burrier!"

After pestering my husband and realizing no, he really didn't send these flowers to me, my mind was racing! Who would have done such a wonderful thing???

We opened the flowers to find the most beautiful, elegant looking bouquet inside. Eventually we realized there was a note attached to the packing slip! They were sent from my good friend Jo in Japan!!!!

And you want to know the reason she had for sending these? To simply say how much she valued my friendship.

WHO DOES THAT?

Even my husband was like "Wow, she's making me look bad!" :) He meant it in a good way, because the gesture was so sweet and unexpected.

So Jo - I wanted to share your gift with the rest of my blog family. You blessed me indeed, my friend. Our friendship is unlike anything else. Who knew that we'd spend more time talking and relating and helping each other through life when we were NOT together! We really have only spent 10 weeks of our lives and various miscellaneous weekends in the same city. The rest of our friendship has been long-distance, and yet you bless me greatly and deeply. I want to say THANK YOU friend, for making me feel so very special.

In closing, I am most confident that no distance is too great to further a friendship. I am touched by the depth of understanding, grace, mercy, beauty, and honesty you display in our conversations and everyday life. Thanks for faithfully staying in touch with me. Thank you for staying up late into the night so that we can chat online when I get to work in the morning. Thank you for obeying the Lord and going to Japan, even if it feels uncomfortable, foreign, lonely, and overwhelming at times. Thank you for walking in obedience and walking in FAITH - stepping out of a "comfortable" circumstance and out into the deep waters where you can not see what is ahead of you. How great your reward will be for not choosing the "good" in your life but instead trusting God's "best" that is yet to come. The promises of God are great, my friend.

I am trusting the Lord for big things in your life, for BIG things. For things our hearts longed for at SMR 04 when we talked to Drew. For things we're scared to ask for. For the everyday miracles and for the miracles of salvation. God is MIGHTY to save. Thanks for giving your life to something greater than the American dream.

Love you. Thank you. You are a blessing in my life.

Lessons From Others

2006-03-23T11:18:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I'm beginning to think we are ALL in community with each other. All us who read each other's blogs, who gain information, insight, respect, knowledge, and anything else from the words on the pages of others.

I wanted to list some things I'm thinking/learning as I did my "daily reading" of my long list of blog and xanga spots today:

Joshua 4:20-end of chapter. How can I set up stones in my house? I want to leave a family legacy. I have an itch to speak to each member of my extended family
Japan - I stumbled upon a new blog spot today. Man, my heart is ALIVE for that country. To read about the souls of people, the loneliness and double lives people live, the heartache and desire for God that lives within each of us, to see the alleys and streets of towns where children rummage through garbage...could God have a future for us on these streets?
What does it really mean to live as "Christ in me"? I've been challenged to face lies I never even knew I was believing...might post more on this one later
Read more C.S. Lewis books...even though challenging - man, that guy had a heart of expressing things in ways that catch my soul and spirit...
Make a goals sheet and stick to it. Last year, my friends Nicole and Jen let me in on a little secret endeavor they were partaking in. We created posterboards with every week of the year on it and split the weeks into new goals. I want to create logical, realistic goals for myself that I can reach in hopes of getting healthy again and doing the things I say I want to do but never take initiative in: walking, drinking enough water in a day, reading, praying for people, trying something new, etc.
"It's easier to be an excessive fanatic than it is to be consistently faithful." - Oswald Chambers. I've been challenged about life in general. Sometimes, God gives us drive and passion and we run after something with our whole hearts. It's awesome! Things happen! And other times in life, God intends for us to work hard at what we're doing, to faithfully give ourselves in the little things, even when nothing seems to result from our efforts. It is so much easier to do the first than the latter. But I want to be good in both, with Christ's power in me.
The war in Iraq is real - lives are at stake, people are dying, and I want to know more. I dont want to complain or make statements without knowing what's really going on. I want to have empathy for people serving there, and I want empathy for people who want this war to end.
I want to take another roadtrip. Thanks, Holly, for sharing your pictures. I love Southwest America...seriously.
Heartbreak is worth it. Thanks a.n.s. and j.k.s. for faithfully obeying the Lord and walking in obedience - to end relationships that are not helping you, for walking by FAITH that there could be something better out there...

Alright. Enough of my random thoughts. Thanks for reading.

For Fun...

2006-03-21T13:40:00.000-06:00

My sisters are FUN. I miss them, miss hanging out. But I'm glad for the random times we spend together. Here's a few "for instances" of a time in January when they dropped by. Good times, Good times...

Life Takes Its Toll

2006-03-21T12:56:00.000-06:00

Today I am emotionally drained. I have disconnected my feelings from my normal everyday experience. I feel empty, yet full. I feel full of Truth and Love, full of Jesus. Yet I feel so empty from the weekend.

No better way to say it; I must create a list and move on with my day:

My grandpa's cancerous tumors are growing, and it made me weep all night Saturday
The youngest kids in my family (my cousins, etc) come from broken homes. I wish I had the capacity to parent them all or have the ability to find stability for them and for the women who labor in taking care of them alone
My husband's uncle died and the visitation/funeral was this weekend. It was hard not to transfer my fears of my grandfather's life ending to the present situation. I am fearful for his death
Tom's life has come to a tragic end, and yet the family does not reconcile but continues to further the gap of hurt and unforgiveness that resides in the depths of many hearts. My heart broke for so many people involved.
Sometimes I wish I didnt "feel" so much - that I didnt feel so many people's burdens, sadnesses, pains, etc. But that's the way God made me! With the gift of mercy. I must embrace and move on.
Last night I had a vision when I shut my eyes that there was a dark "creature" flying around my head, sort of like a bat would. I knew it was the enemy. I had to pray mightily and speak Jesus' name aloud - in order for it to leave. And it did. It scared me a lot, made me realize even more that the spiritual battle is REAL. Our eternities are at stake, our daily lives are at stake, but Christ WILL get the victory. Wow. That was a powerful thing.

I hope to post on a more positive note soon. But as my friend Al says, "Dont stuff it - feel it and express it". Thanks for bearing with me in my sadness today.

SIDE NOTE: Okay, I couldnt let this go without telling some of the greatest parts of my weekend:

Meeting new cool people Friday night * playing Ninjas and other silly games until my guts were ready to bust from laughing * Spending a few days with Miya - she's a gem * Swimming! * Pride and Prejudice - LOVED it. Absolutely LOVED it. * My sisters, HuHott, Apple Store, I Spy.

All In A Day's Work

2006-03-15T16:30:00.000-06:00

Today has looked nothing like I'd expected it to look. I love the random events one day here can bring! Today started with some sparkling cider, red carpet, a hollywood star, and a director's chair. What-the-heck-for, one might ask. Well, one of the guys I work with entered a local "48-hour film" contest back in the summer of '05. In just 48 hours after drawing their genre from a hat, him and his friend set out to create one of the funniest 4-7 minute movies I have ever seen. It was hilarious! Mimes of the Prairie, it was called. Anyways...they won the local contest and entered a second film for the next round. Then it came time for the National 48-Hour Film Festival held out in San Jose, California. So he flew out there, and who would've thunk - his video about the mimes won FIRST PLACE! Out of hundreds and hundreds of videos...totally awesome. So we suprised him with a little welcoming party this morning.

Then I spent at least 2 straight hours talking to my good friend. More "typing" online, but I'd still call it a conversation. Is it bad that I didnt get a thing done? I dont feel too guilty about it. And what is my "work" in this world anyway? I would hope it's to take care of people, to have my real giftings of encouragement and mercy - my spiritual gifts - be used instead of my gifts of "attention to detail" and etc. Sometimes, people in need who are on the verge of things and who are breaking down emotionally just take a little more precidence than displays and money. That's my opinion though. It was the sweetest conversation.

And then I had an epiphany. (sp?) All this time I sit here at work just dreaming and yearning for the "big adventure" my heart feels called to participate in. To get out of this office and get into LIFE. But today I realized, LIFE is happening. I'm alive! I'm experiencing others' experiences through their stories and pictures. And I get to be a part of the GRAND ADVENTURE that pulls us all together into one great story. For example, today I got to be a part of film, of a niche someone has out there, a talent of story-making and picture. It is awesome! I got to "meet" Jerry Rice - well, I didnt, but I heard the story and felt like I was right there with him! And I get to experience another culture b/c of the stories I hear from friends over there and the prayers I pray for people I will never even meet. Same goes for students in Colorado, Iowa, Arizona, and all over the country - just b/c I am involved in someone's life and their stories. And I get to be a part of a family right here. I get to watch my niece grow up. I get to celebrate and mourn the life of a man everyone loved and lost. I get to see my sisters on vacation. I have so much! And everyone around me has so much to offer, and each person whether they know it or not, changes and challenges me to grow, and we all run together in the "bigger picture" of what God has created for our lives. I may be out there a bit - but I just feel such a deep peace about my life. God is in control. I might sit on the sidelines and cheer everyone else on doing things I might dream about doing - but I am no less a part of the big adventure. I believe that to be true. And when God calls me to get in the game in a new way - to take a new position, I will praise the Lord for every moment. I'll eat it up, I'll endure the pain and struggles of it because I have gotten to watch and see what a privelage it is to PLAY. Lord I want to play! I want to play in this game of life. I pray you make me stronger, build my spiritual muscles, build my convictions and root truth in my life. Then, when it's time, call me out Lord. Put me in position and give me another task. I will DO it, Lord. I will Go where you send me. Thank you for sending me here. The lessons I'm learning in this season are priceless...I could not learn them doing what I would have chosen for my life. Thank you Lord. Thanks for this Great Adventure.

My date of Birth Means What???

2006-03-14T13:06:00.000-06:00

Your Birthdate: December 26

You lucked out the the skills to succeed in almost any arena.
Put you in almost any business or classroom, and you'll rise to the top.
You're driven and intense, but you also know when to kick back and cooperate.
Your ability to adapt to almost any situation is part of what's going to make you a success.

Your strength: Your attention to detail

Your weakness: You can be a little too proud of your successes

Your power color: Turquoise

Your power symbol: Arrow pointing up

Your power month: August

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

So, this pretty much describes me to a T! Except I dont know what the arrow pointing up means...

My Vocab Analysis

2006-03-14T13:02:00.000-06:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Upper Midwestern

10% Midwestern

5% Dixie

5% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

1 Year

2006-03-13T13:03:00.000-06:00

We made it! This Saturday, my husband Marcus and I celebrated our ONE YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! It's super-hard to believe it's been a whole year. It's flown by. Fast. But it's so exciting! My life has changed at a rapid pace since 2004. Just goes to show we never really know what God may have in store for us. I can try and plan out my life, even the next day - but it never goes exactly as I plan. I'm learning that as I keep my hands open and my grip on my life loose, God moves in amazing, mysterious, and intricate ways.

For the enjoyment of myself and any others who may read this, here's a list (incomplete) of some fun and not-so-fun things about our weekend away! Enjoy!

The "Not-So-Good's":
1. Driving a truck with bad gas mileage and paying more for gas in big cities
2. The internet makes hotels look greater than they really are - dont be deceived by photos!
3. The pool-a joke. 2 or 3 people, and there was no more room for others.
4. The scent of old man lingering in our room
5. No complimentary breakfast
6. The long drive home when you just wanna be home

The "Yay!-This-Was-Good's":
1. "Modern" furniture, though small and rigid, is actually very comfortable!
2. IKEA! I could spend all my money there...classy items for a great price
3. R.E.I. and the new member of our family - the Hubba Hubba three-season tent! 2 vestibules, great colors, 4 pounds and it's great for hiking. We scored a deal with our yearly dividend, 20% discount, and giftcards from Christmas!
4. Irish Dance Studios - we saw a sweet performance on Saturday at the Mall of America. Makes me fall more in love with other cultures/people in this world.
5. Forever 21 - clothes that cover me and make me feel good about who I am for a discount price!
6. Big Cities - I love Minneapolis!
7. Greater Diversity - I love Minneapolis b/c of the many faces from around the world you can meet, all over the place. We saw/conversed with people from France, Japan, Korea, etc. Many people live in the city now, but it's just so great to be in that crowd again!
8. Rollercoasters! There's a new one at the MOA, and Marcus actually rode it with me. It was AWESOME! It was that or the log-ride (we could only afford one ride) so I think we made the best choice. :)
9. SHARKS! I faced my greatest fears: drowning and sharkbites. Sure, we were protected by the glass of the aquarium. But yikes! They are so freaky. Just freaky.
10. My husband and making memories. It's fun to go somewhere new together. I'm glad we can laugh until we cry. I'm glad I can cry in front of him w/out feeling foolish when Sara Groves sings to my soul and makes me weep. I'm glad we can share intimacy with each other and the Lord. I'm glad we can respect each other's need for alonetime. I'm glad to discuss thoughts and truths and build each other up. I'm glad for "The Treasure Principle" and "Organic Church" and for the ways God stretches our understanding of giving and the church. I'm glad for forgiveness. I'm most of all glad for the last 52 weeks of our life. We are surely blessed.

That's it. Until next time...

Isn't God AMAZING???

2006-03-09T08:27:00.000-06:00

This email came to me this morning. A story to encourage you as you pursue/are pursued by God today:

Kelli,
I'm not sure if you ever knew this, maybe you did. I can't remember if you did or not. :) Well, I was just reading through your blog and the last thing you said was that you regreted not being an RA long enough. Well, I just wanted to encourage you with something. The person that took your spot was Amanda Walston. Before she was an RA, she was not a believer. But because of the people that were in her life and lived across the floor from her (Laura Meyer and Amye Anderson) she came to know Christ the first year she was an RA. I was her small group leader this year at the women's retreat and let me tell you she has had a radical transformation. She told me on the way to the retreat (we carpooled together) that she had taken your place. She didn't know who you were, but she had found out later that you had prayed for the next RA that would be in that room. Well, hun, you're prayers for the next RA in that room were answered mightily! She is such a huge blessing and beautiful woman in the Lord. If you had become an RA the next year, Amanda would not have gotten the experience to live next to those two girls and work with Jade who encouraged her to go to Main Event, where she ended up giving her life to Jesus. So, you may regret not being an RA for a second year, but Praise God that you didn't because God used that decision in a way to bring someone to Himself.

I know that this was a really random email, but I really wanted to email you and here's my excuse! :) So let me know how Monday night worked out when you have the time! I'll talk to you later!

your sista,
Sarah G

Sarah - your words could not have come at a more perfect time. Thank you for sharing - I never, ever, ever knew that! Wow. God is so much greater than me, so much in control of even the intricate pushes and hesitations in my spirit, and He has a plan that far exceeds my greatest thoughts or desires! When I was praying for the next RA to take my place, I prayed God would make His home in that room, that His spirit would invade the life and heart of that woman. God is FAITHFUL and I want to shout it from the rooftops today!!! PRAISE GOD! I am sooo humbled, so humbled by the Lord today. That our prayers would be heard, that He would move His hand in such a mighty way...I want to pray fervently forever, even though I may never hear stories like this, of how God connects our prayers and makes reality happen in the hearts of men and women around us.

You've blessed me indeed. I love you deeply, friend. I'm glad we can live this life and share in our experiences of God together, even from a distance.

TOP TEN....9...8...7...

2006-03-08T08:16:00.000-06:00

Ten Firsts:
First best friend - Courtney
First screen name - ellikbrown
First pet - Toby, toes
First piercing - ears
First crush - hmm..Eric Moffitt
First kiss - Scott Little
First CD - Bryan Adams
First car - Ol' Blue - my great grandpa's Bonneville
First stuffed animal - my teddie! I've had it since I was born. Still sleep with it!
First broken bone - is it morbid that I wish I could break a bone? i've always wanted a cast!!!

Nine Lasts:
Last beverage - water
Last car ride - to work this morning on I-80
Last movie seen - Constant Gardener
Last phone call - talked to Jo yesterday morning!!! From Japan!
Last CD played - Bethany Dillon
Last bubble bath - a week ago. Mmmm, yeah. I like bubble baths
Last time you cried - This weekend at the retreat
Last time you laughed - This morning when Mike scared me at my desk and I said "That made me tingle down to my toes" and Sheryl thought I said "You made me tinkle down to my toes!"
Last time you fell - Tripped off the sidewalk the other day...

Eight Shows you like
1. Survivor!
2. CSI the originals
3. Project Runway
4. Bachelor
5. Friends
6. MXC - the asian "Dont Get Eliminated!" show. Hilarious!
7. The Office
8. ER

Seven Things You Are Wearing
1. My black puffy vest
2. A long sleeve shirt
3. The necessary unmentionables
4. Jeans
5. Socks
6. Payless shoes
7. My wedding ring

Six Things You've Done Today
1. Ate Cinnamon Life cereal
2. Brushed my teeth
3. Didnt take a shower
4. Laughed b/c people thought I peed my pants
5. Blogged
6. Emailed

Five Favorite Things
1. Ice cold water
2. Writing
3. Swimming! I'm like a fish outta water
4. Grilling
5. Sitting outside under something while watching a summer thunderstorm/rain.

Four People You Can Trust With Anything
1. Marcus
2. Joanna
3. Stacy B
4. Laura

Three Choices
1. Hot or cold - hot weather, cold drinks
2. Black or white - black skies, white lights
3.Chocolate or Vanilla - vanilla!

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die
1. See my Japanese roomate again and know she's in love with Jesus
2. Travel

One Thing You Regret
1. Not being an R.A. for a longer period of time. I gave up too quickly.

It's My Turn To Be Tagged

2006-03-08T08:00:00.000-06:00

Here are four items from each category:

Four Jobs I've Had in My Life:
1. Project Coordinator for a small P.O.P. business
2. Library Acquisitions/Cataloging at Rod Library - UNI
3. Resident Assistant/Office Assistant in dorms - UNI
4. Patient Registration-Boone County Hospital

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:
1. Sleepless in Seattle
2. Shawshank Redemption
3. Count of Monte Cristo
4. Gladiator

Four Places I Have Lived:
1. Pleasant Hills, IA
2. Ames, IA
3. Ankeny, IA
4. Cedar Falls, IA

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch:
1. CSI - the old stuff. I'm hooked!
2. Project Runway-I want to be a fashion designer now
3. Survivor - yeah! it never gets old...
4. Friends

Four Places I've Been on Vacation:
1. Dubuque, IA to the Hancock House Bed and Breakfast
2. Colorado!!! CSprings, Denver, SMR, Winter Park, Estes Park, all over!
3. Phoenix/Mesa, Arizona to my great aunt Lois' house
4. Las Vegas, Nevada - I got a coin cup from each and every casino - yeah!

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
1. Jo's Blog, really like 41 blogs...I like to meet people!
2. Gmail
3. Uline or McMaster Carr
4. MSN

Four Favorite Foods:
1. Vanilla ice cream with M&M's
2. Subway's Chicken Bacon Ranch Sandwhich
3. HuHott's Beef&Noodles with Bold Flavor - yummy!
4. Mongolian Beef and steamed rice at Hy-Vee Chinese

Four Places I Would Like to Visit:
1. Hachioji, Tokyo Japan
2. Kyoto, Japan
3. Europe - all over. I want to backpack Europe.
4. Appalachian Trail in Eastern USA - I want to hike the whole thing continuously. Start to finish.

Four People I'm Tagging with this Meme:
1. Nobody
2. Anyone
3. Whoever hasnt posted it
4. Random Strangers

2006-03-07T14:43:00.000-06:00

It's my fave!

Thoughts/Updates

2006-03-07T14:28:00.000-06:00

Thank you to all who have posted a comment about church. I am full of thoughts and challenges to my mindset, and I'm looking forward to reading a book coming my way (I'll let you know if it's a recommend-read, and give some of my thoughts), reading and praying through the Word about Christ's intentions for the church, and hopefully learning more from people like you who have depths and volumes of information/opinion/experiences to share with me. I value your thoughts and even though I can be stubborn, I value how God challenges me to think outside of the boxes I create.

In the meantime, I think I'm just going to post some pictures and random "tags" for awhile. I sense I need to quietly seek Him about things I've written, and experience God's truth about church.

So enjoy!

EDIT!

2006-03-03T14:48:00.000-06:00

To all or any who've read my post -

I accidently used the word "relevancy" when I meant "relativity".

Thanks.

Church Today-Your Thoughts?

2006-03-03T12:09:00.000-06:00

I'm wresting with this post. I just wrote 4 paragraphs and erased it all. I've decided that this post will not be about what I think - I would rather gather the input of anyone reading my blog. Im wrestling with the topic of "church". My husband and I have talked about it nearly daily lately, and it's become a topic of controversy and opinion in many ways. In a world today where relativism and mediocrity bite at us for our devotion day in and day out, what should churches and the body of Christ look like? I read an interesting article today (the link is available with the title of this entry - click to read more), and have chosen to post the following:

In a recent seminar I learned that in order to double one's Sunday School class size the teacher should avoid presenting a lesson that has too much depth. It was felt that if the lesson was too deep that new visitors would feel overwhelmed and would be less likely to return. This really bothered me. Are we to strive to water down the Word of God in order to obtain members with a shallow faith who, when faced with the trials of life, have no root to stand in adversity? I'm sure there is a place for a class devoted to seekers but I think we should all be striving to grow past the milk and obtain the more meaty substance of God's Word. What part does the seeker-sensitive service/class play in today's world?

This hit home with me. It's a topic at the center of our confusion and seemingly endless search for a church that we long to become a part of. We've run into many churches in our area that live by the seeker-sensative model, and I guess my desire is to hear your opinion, to hear your take on church. Here are a few more paragraphs of interest I read and re-read:

“The desire to be overly seeker-sensitive is pulling us away from proclaiming the hard truth of the Gospel. The Gospel is an offense! A righteous man was nailed to a cross. There was a beating involved, and blood shed. We must not water that down. We cannot compromise the reality of the Gospel under the guise of relevancy. Relevancy is earned when churches –- Christians –- acting as the hands of Christ, touch the wounded hearts and souls of those around them. When Christians act like Jesus, bear the burdens of others like Jesus, suffer with others like Jesus, then we will be more effective in verbally sharing the pointed truths of the Gospel with them like Jesus. What’s more, the lost will drink in the message like a thirsty man wandering in a desert drinks in cool, clean water.”

John MacArthur recently decried the seeker-sensitive movement as: “The push within churches across the country to make worship services more "relevant" and therefore more attractive to the world. It's the driving force behind the marketing ploys and high-tech entertainment gimmicks churches use to promote growth. As you read this, you may be asking, ‘What's so dangerous about trying to attract unbelievers to your church?’”

MacArthur goes on to call seeker-sensitivity "deadly" for churches. And he makes a compelling, if not paradoxical, argument. For if seeker-sensivitity truly buffers the church roll (and why do it if it doesn't?), why would it be dangerous?
Because the Word in all its truth is not taught, and according to 2 Corinthians 4:2, anything other is "shameful and underhanded." It also takes an important job out of the hands of believers:

“I just heard MacArthur preach this week that we too often think of church as the "place of evangelism." Instead, he taught that the church was where members gathered to worship, be taught, hear the preached Word of God, and equipped to do evangelism in the world. If every meeting of the church is turned to "seeker sensitive," I wonder-- and I mean this sincerely -- when will the saints be equipped?”
“Witnessing activities outside the church are great but the church is for Christians not for unbelievers. Unbelievers need the truth not sensitivity.”

And a few more here:

But if that ideal is geared so to equip Christians to evangelize and minister out in the world, we must honestly ask ourselves why we’re missing so many who are lost and yet seeking a spiritual path. There has to be a way to find balance: Discipleship and training for the committed. The message of salvation, the truth, and a genuine sense of love from the congregation for visitors and seekers.

For more, please feel free to read the article. I guess the biggest thing I'm looking for is answers! I know that none of you can give that to me, and I know that there's really no 1-way to lead a church. It's going to be from God alone where I get my answers. My heart just cries out for depth, for truth, and for something greater than the watered down gospel and truth I've heard recently. I also want to stop questioning why even go to church. This has been a question in my mind- why go, on sundays, if I can get deeper teaching, meat of the word, and truth of challenge in my faith that I can get meeting with someone one-on-one or in a small group? And I want to stop comparing every church to the one I know back home, the one I grew up in. It's stinkin awesome! But there's something wrong when I leave that place and I'm SO FULL FROM TRUTH AND YET LONGING FOR MORE OF GOD AND TO BE MORE IN CHRIST, and every time I've left other church attendings recently I think "I wonder what's on TV today/Which restaraunt should we choose for lunch?" Seriously! That's my struggle. If I, someone who loves the Lord and has walked with him for quite some time now, leaves church instilled with either a passion and zeal in my faith or a sense of "what's next" - how much greater the complex when someone young or new in their faith, or who doesnt know the Lord but is exploring, leaves the church every week??? We're talking about making disciples of Christ or making people who sit and listen but do nothing with their lives and crave the mediocre! So many Americans refer to themselves as "christians" but would those same people really say they love Jesus Christ?

Okay. My ranting is done. Comments, please? I'm open and I want to listen to all sides.

One More Thing Before I Go...

2006-03-02T16:22:00.000-06:00

Hey All,

One more thing...check out this website when you get a chance and watch the video. One of the coolest, most inspiring things I've seen or heard about in a long time.

It's worth it...

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=2348397

Enjoy!

Peace and Victory for YOU, Joanna!

2006-03-02T08:19:00.000-06:00

Hey Sister!

I miss you. A whole bunch. Is it sad that every day I check my email I am either elated or totally bummed for an hour afterwards from no email from you?!? No pressure. It's just I love ya and am always curious about your life and experiences!

So today Im dedicating some pics to you. I wanted to give you a "Japanese style" hello!

And this other picture - totally rad. So, I was playing around taking pictures, and I went to pose for this shot and snapped the pic. Then, as I was going through my photos later, I looked closely and noticed that a bird/duck/goose was flying by JUST as I pointed up to the sky! How awesome of timing was that??? Totally cool. I talked about it all night. So I wanted to share it with you.

I miss you. I love you. I hope you have a SuPeR great day. Enjoy the pics.

Im out!

The Title...

2006-02-21T15:59:00.000-06:00

...says it all.

God is really taking me in deep. All the way deep, clear down into the deepest of deep of my heart and soul. I feel like I'm in counseling, and it's intense. But God is helping me discover rooms in me that need cleaning out. I feel like I'm going to be a new person when all is said and done.
Confused? As am I. Basically I've been really good at hiding from pain in my life, really good at projecting expectations and demands on others, and really good at listening to lies about who I am, but most importantly - who God is. We've got some cleaning to do!
Basically, A.S. and L.A. are two of the most AWESOME women in my life. I just met one of them, and the other I dont deserve to even call my friend, yet they are like the sweet fragrance of Christ in my life. Thank God that He uses each of us to do the works of His hands for His glory.

Ooh...and quote for the week (not exactly word for word, but it'll do) that I've been so excited to meditate upon today:

"The degree to which we are willing to work through times and pains of suffering is the degree to which God will use us to comfort others experiencing the same thing."
Based on 2 Cor. 1:3-7

I LOVE that God's grace is so great that He goes beyond healing us and forgiving us and extending comfort upon us. He goes so far as to use the sin/suffering/persecution we've experienced in our lives to then comfort others, with the same extent of comfort we've received from the Lord.

Going Deep is a choice. It's a choice how deep we are willing to go. I pray God would always empower me to go to a great degree of depth, in order that I may better help others in their pain when the time comes. I dont want to dip my toe in the pool, I want to dive all the way in. No pain, no gain. Thanks Lord for your faithfulness, and thanks ladies, for being willing to walk with me step by step.

Sunflowers and Son Flowers

2006-02-20T13:52:00.000-06:00

Okay, so another stolen/borrowed blog entry. I was reading this this morning, and Im not sure whether or not the author understood the spiritual sense behind her writing. But I did. And it's pretty awesome. We're all different, we're all unique - if we're sowing seeds for the Lord, He's going to cultivate new believers. But the end result should not and will not be "identical" believers. Our unique methods are to be admired, just as much as unique believers are. This weekend, I had a young woman tell me "I dont want to be a "christian" if it means I look like them." Them=the other christian girls around her. She was crying out to be DIFFERENT, to be UNIQUE, to be known as a lover of Jesus, a radical liver of Truth, not just a "christian" - a term used more and more loosely by many in American culture. So check it out, and let me know your thoughts...

"There are two methods recommended for sowing the [sunflower] seeds. Place them in individual holes, or scatter and rake them into the soil randomly. Being the inquisitive type, I planted half the seeds one way, and half the other way....It's interesting, there were two methods of planting the seeds. But both supposedly give results. The growth pattern might look a bit different, with the individually placed and planted seeds possibly turning into more linear plants, and the randomly raked seeds producing a more organic look.But, whichever method used, the end product will still be some big cheery yellow flowers, whose faces turn toward the sun at all times."

Revelation 12:11

2006-02-17T15:16:00.000-06:00

"And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death."

This is my new verse for LIFE. I LOVE it. It's full of power - power of Jesus, power of the Spirit.
***********************************************************************************

So, I love the way the Lord breaks into my everyday life. Like today - giving me this verse as I randomly ran into it online, reading about someone else's life. And how He is so close and near to me, so intimate with me. I am struggling with a bit of winter blues. Just feeling lonely, missing my friends, wanting companionship 24-7 but not having time for it, feeling lonely at work, and missing the sunshine. Im just blue! Yet even still, God has prepared a way for me. Tonight, Im heading to a retreat where I'll be making myself available to women; to pray for them, to spend time with them, to have fun with them, and to share my life with them. Even though Im a "leader" - Im assuming God will teach me more than I can ever hope to do for others. And in three weeks, Marcus and I will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary (whoa- yay!) up north, doing something we've never done: we're going skiing and snowboarding! It's good and needed to try something new with the one you love, something neither of you have ever done before. We're hoping anyway! And then there are two weekends we've been offered a trip to a marriage retreat. We might even just do both retreats! We always need to learn more, to be in fellowship with others, and to grow as a couple, as one.

So God is really making love, opportunity, and Himself available to me in the coming weeks. I just pray I will continue to give glory to Him, and to hold out for the ultimate prize. Even though these days are lonely, they are short in comparison to the everlasting life I will get to spend in His company for eternity.

Thanks Lord. You've made my day. You've made my whole life. You've made me.

Servants Looking to the Hands of Their Master

2006-02-07T11:08:00.000-06:00

Okay, so this is the coolest thing. I love blogs, b/c I learn so much from what other people learn! It's great to share "food" like this. I hope you enjoy what my friend Chris H. had to say about this verse. I want to learn to be attentive, receptive, and ready to move when the hand of the Lord even so much as flinches...read on, friends....

To You I lift up my eyes, O You who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, As the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress, So our eyes look to the LORD our God, Until He is gracious to us. Psalm 123:1-2

I ran across these verses yesterday on my way to work. The illustration of the hand servant is a great parallel to how we should relate to God. Hand servants (or hand maids) were given special training in the art of serving meals. They established with their masters a system of very discrete hand signals so that the master could direct the service of the meals. This way the master could ensure the highest degree of hospitality. Servants would appear out of nowhere to fill wine just as it was running dry, or bring additional food for someone who was eating quickly. What was invisible to the guests was the process by which this happened. The hand servants were standing just outside the dining room; their eyes were fixed on the hands of the master. Then the servants would see the slightest twitch of the master's right thumb or a small straightening of the left index finger. Instantly the servants would swing into action, doing whatever the master had subtly ordered. No one at the table noticed, but the servants knew exactly what the master wanted. Likewise, our eyes should be so fixed on God that we notice His slightest move and then swing into action.

Pictures!!!

2006-02-01T12:48:00.000-06:00

So, I love my friends, my family...what better way to share this than with pictures. I picked out a few fun ones, and will try and post more as this blog progresses. Enjoy!

2006-02-01T12:47:00.000-06:00

Miya...neices are the GREATEST thing since sliced bread. She's my favorite friend - under 3 years old, that is. :)

2006-02-01T12:45:00.000-06:00

The Little Rockstar

2006-02-01T12:44:00.000-06:00

These are two of the greatest women I know. Val and Danielle - thanks for living life with me.

2006-02-01T12:43:00.000-06:00

Muah! Love ya Julia!

2006-02-01T12:42:00.001-06:00

We had a blast at 2005 Reunion!

2006-02-01T12:42:00.000-06:00

I couldnt resist - those goggles are SWEET!

2006-02-01T12:38:00.000-06:00

Natsumi and Jo in Japan. Jo is my bestest friend and is in Japan for the next couple years. (Sweet shoes, Natsumi - I dig)

2006-02-01T12:35:00.001-06:00

My sister went to China for two weeks last month...here she is at the Great Wall

2006-02-01T12:35:00.000-06:00

When Andrew stole Marcus away for 3 days to climb Quandry Peak in Colorado!

2006-02-01T12:34:00.000-06:00

Julia's coming back to Iowa this summer!!!

A Day of Remembrance and Reflection

2006-01-30T14:28:00.000-06:00

This post goes out to all my girls who are hurting, who are mourning, and who are desiring freedom in the Lord. I have two close friends who are deeply desiring to be FREE, and it stirs in my heart old issues, old experiences, and remembrances of times when I longed to be free. Free from hurt, free from pain, free from my own sin, you know the story. Today has been a day of reflection and somber attitude. I just cant shake this feeling of sadness and hurt. Im right there with you sisters. I think God's way of using me is through mercy - I literally "feel" what you all feel. Deeply. Sometimes, even my husband will ask and pry to what is "wrong" with me, but my answer always comes up empty. Sometimes I dont even KNOW why I feel the way I do - but God has molded me to believe that it's His way of keeping my attitude of prayer and my Spirit of service connected to your lives.

So to A.L.D and J.K.S. these words go out to you -

As I bow my head To hide the wave of grief I feel Your steady gaze And know You know my need.
I'm crying and alone Often feeling of no use I'm broken and ashamed So sick of the abuse.
I see the cross, the sacrifice The man suffering for me. I thank You for Your son, Lord Who died to set me free .
I pray that You would hold me That You'd heal me inside out I ask You to transform me That I would not stray or doubt .
Lord I know You're watching over me That You hold me in Your hand So I'm clinging to the promise That I'll see the promised land
Hanni (a blog post I found today)

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. When we forgive a person, the memory of the wound might stay with us for a long time, even throughout our lives. Sometimes we carry the memory in our bodies as a visible sign. But forgiveness changes the way we remember. It converts the curse into a blessing. When we forgive our parents for their divorce, our children for their lack of attention, our friends for their unfaithfulness in crisis, our doctors for their ill advice, we no longer have to experience ourselves as the victims of events we had no control over.Forgiveness allows us to claim our own power and not let these events destroy us; it enables them to become events that deepen the wisdom of our hearts. Forgiveness indeed heals memories.
Henri Nouwen (also found on a blog today -it's obvious my day is all interconnected by God's mighty hand!!!)

Friends, I love you and am praying for you today.

Lord, thank you for the spiritual gift of mercy. Though I sometimes see it as a burden, or complain about crying so much, you use this gift to minister to others in my life. It is worth it for their sake, and for your glory, O Lord. God, would you keep JKS at peace and wrapped in your loving arms as she sleeps now, and would you awaken her with great purpose, vision, and drive for the last day of January. Lord, I ask that ALD would experience freedom and revival in her heart. I ask that you draw her intimately into your presence, and that she would see herself through the eyes of Christ. Shield us from lies, guilt, and shame, O Lord, for your name's sake. I love you Lord, and trust in your promises and ask for your will to be done in my friends' lives. Amen.

The Lord is Near to Me

2006-01-27T08:24:00.000-06:00

Wow. I was blown away last night in my quiet time. I am constantly amazed at how God is so near to the heart that beats within me. He confirms again and again that He is the one that makes my heart beat the way it does, for the things it beats for. He is the dream-giver, the inspiration maker, the Lord of my life. Last night I began a new study about the names of the Lord. I am very excited to know my God in new ways, to study deeply the Names that He is crowned by, and the power that lies within them. So here's the very first passage the study looks at:

"May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble! May the name of the God of Jacob set you securely on high! May He send you help from the sanctuary and support you from Zion! May He remember all your meal offerings and find your burnt offering acceptable!
Selah.
May He grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your counsel! We will sing for joy over your victory, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the Lord fulfill all your petitions. Now I know that the Lord saves His annointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand. Some boast in chariots and some in horses, but we will boast in the name of the Lord our God. They have bowed down and fallen, but we have risen and stood upright. Save, O Lord; may the King answer us in the day we call." -Psalm 20

WOW.

I cant even being to describe how much this passage meets me right where Im at in my life! Here are a few ways that this verse did just that:

The name of the Lord is what sets us secure, it's what we trust in
Our "meal offerings" and "burnt offering" - what we give to the Lord, the fruits of our labors, the sacrifices for His sake - He finds them acceptable!
God WANTS to grant us our heart's desire - I trust it's when our desires are His will.
"counsel" actually means "Purpose". To me, I read that God will fulfill all of our purpose on this earth - our lives are not in vain, not to just live and die - but to fulfill a purpose. That inspires me.
God will fulfill all our petitions - what perfect timing as I am praying specifically for so many of my friends. God WILL ANSWER.
"victory" actually means "salvation". I am trusting God for the salvation of many, especially for Kie from Japan. And from his right hand - Jesus Christ is at the right hand of God. Oh Jesus, will you save those you've chosen...
He answers us in the day we call. I will not stop praying, knowing that today God will answer - maybe it's like a puzzle. We pray, and pray and pray. And then the puzzle is completed by God - He with His mighty strength takes the fragrant offerings of prayer with His will and His timing and creates and ANSWER, often unique and not exactly what we think it'll look like. I love the mysteries of God...

So. Im pretty stoked. God pretty much spurred my heart on towards even greater diligence in praying for these friends, and in seeking more of who He is and what powers are held in His name.

The Desire of My Heart

2006-01-26T14:48:00.000-06:00

I want to go to Japan. Bad. It's like an ache, a yearning in my heart. I want to have Japanese friends. If you are reading this - will you join with me in prayer that God would connect me with people living in the Des Moines area who are here from Japan and who are my age? I desire a close relationship so much with a woman from Japan.

Joanna - I miss you today. Just like you said you missed me last night! It's so strange. I think our spirits are connected with a common purpose. I am still anticipating the Lord moving in a unique way through our prayer requests.

And Im out.

Question of the Day

2006-01-20T10:51:00.000-06:00

So, I was reading another's blog and stole this question. I stole it to post here mostly because I am very curious what the rest of the world's answer is.

Why do I get so hungry at work during the day, when at home I can go the entire day and simply forget to eat?

So that is my question for the day. What are your thoughts? It is definately true of me.

Seven Times...

2006-01-18T22:03:00.000-06:00

This picture is how I feel entering into 2006. Maybe it's the way that God has always used "climbing a mountain" as an example - a very real parallel - of what my life looks like. Oh Lord, bring the journey on...

Tonight, as I lay in bed - God met me in a deep and very real way. For the first time in a long time, I found myself with my journal in prayer to the Lord, crying out from the depths of my heart and soul. As I wrote, I thought to myself "There is no way I will get anything out of this..."

To my disbelief, God answered with a mighty rush of the Spirit. I am SO THANKFUL to know the Lord. I am. Tonight He made so many things click and make sense. I have a deep-set belief (a lie) that because of certain sin in my life, I have ruined intimacy with the Lord. Tonight I confessed it, and revealed to God how I just stop trying because I feel like it's hopeless and pointless. But He reminded me of example after example of "prodigal sons" He brought home, in His word and in lives of people I've met. God's history is victory!!! Even in the life of the greatest sinner - which I feel like is me. Especially in college, I felt like every year was more and more victorious. Then my one act of "great sin" (in my eyes) turned into many upon many sins. All the sudden I found myself in a gaping hole, unsure of how to get out. The only way I dealt with it was to run and hide. "How could this happen to me?" I thought. "Of all people - I thought "I should be strong! I should be free from sin! I cant have this happen to me!" I fell into the lie of "perfection" - that as a strong christian, I had to be perfect. I just had to be. Or I was a failure...

Tonight God reminded me of this verse, and it is going to be my theme for the year "For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again." Proverbs 24:16. What a verse of TRUTH that came at the exact time I needed to hear it! I am going to fall in this life - over, and over, and over again. I can fall and try to hide it from the world - but it will always be exposed before the Lord. I am confident that tonight begins a big journey, a journey of ceasing to run and hide from the Lord, of trying to do it on my own and with my own strength, and one that will be full of advenure, opportunity, challenge, and deep and intense growth in my faith. I am more than excited to start the climb!

So, here I am. 9,000 feet above sea level - staring up at the 14,000 foot peak before me. I've got my light on (the Lord), I've got warm layers of clothes on (as the journey heats up and I rise in altitude, I can shed the layers of sin and layers He wants me to rid of in my life), and I've got my pack of gear (the Word of truth, sisters in Christ, prayer). I am more than anxious and expectant that this journey up the mountain will not end in vain - it will be worth the trek. No matter where it ends, I want to be able to look back down this mountain and remember the times I wanted to stop, remember the times I wanted to take my own path but God led me to the one layed ahead of my time, and I want to be sure I've been content that every step along the way (whether it led in the right direction or the wrong) was worth it. I cant wait for the glorious view at the top of this climb, but from here, I know the view will surely look good.

I love you Jesus. You give me reason to LIVE, you give me the very BREATH to remain, and you REVIVE my soul. Humbly, I come before you, and no matter how often - you cause me to rise again. Your word is truth, my life is purposed, I am saved. Move among us, O Lord. God I pray for Hilary tonight, that you move powerfully in her. Apart from your word, her written and spoken words have challenged me more than she will ever know. Grow us to be women who fight for Life with you, and who will fight for freedom and salvation in the lives of all we meet on this earth. Make our treks this year destined for the goal, and may the view at the top take our breath away...
"For the sake of Jacob My servant, and Israel My chosen one, I have also called you by your name; I have given you a title of honor though you have not acknowledged me. I am the Lord, and there is no other, besides Me there is no God. I will gird you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the Lord, and there is no other." Isaiah 45:4-6

The Desire to Be Known and to Make Known

2006-01-09T13:57:00.000-06:00

So today, I found another random blogger on the web. Her blerp beside her description, part of it, reads:
"I am passionate about learning people's spiritual stories--how we got where we are, how we keep going and what we dream of becoming. "

My immediate reaction to this was "Wow, I like this girl. Sounds interesting." So I read up on her blog posts, and left my two cents worth in her comments. Then I got to thinking...

And it hit me. This thought came out of nowhere, but it's repeating itself in my head, over and over again. "I WANT TO BE KNOWN." The more I think about it, the more I believe that this just may be everyone's desire - that we be known. Not just the oh-his or her-name-is-..... kind of known. But the deep, intimate understanding and relationship attaining knowing of who someone is. It's just got me thinking about why this woman's words stuck out to me so much. And I realize, my heart was thinking "she is interested in me. Even though she doesnt have a clue who I am, she wants to know my story! Wow. Someone is interested? And I want to tell someone!"

Is that wierd? I dont know. I think something deep down inside of me was brought to the surface today when I read those words. And it has also inspired me to take more initiative in contacting others, getting to know their stories, what makes them tick. To catch back up with lost friends, ask people how they are really doing. It goes both ways. What an enlightening day.

Prayer

2006-01-04T07:29:00.000-06:00

I would like anyone out there, who would welcome prayer, to let me know 5 specific ways I can pray for you in 2006. I've been gathering these from my friends, and am really excited to pray specifically. "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective in accomplishing much." This is my motivation. I heard a sermon once that said the actual Hebrew or Greek translation says "The specific prayer..." so I would like to pray specifically, if He might be moved to act in a MIGHTY way in your lives.

Leave them in the comment section, or send me an email if you'd like me to pray for you for 5 specific things this year.

Home Sick

2006-01-04T07:25:00.000-06:00

So, here I am at home, sick. No fun. Sorry about the lack of blog entries. I guess the beginning of the year is starting on a rough note - hoping that this is no reflection of the rest of the year!!!

I have too much confidence and expectancy that God is going to use this year of my life in a unique and challenging way. Im hopeful at the way He will move with His might.

Until the swelling in my throat and my fever go down -

KB

This Constant Inner-Battle

2005-12-30T11:36:00.000-06:00

I have come to a decision in my thinking, thanks to some wise words from wise men. It is entirely necessary for me to enjoy, drink deeply, and live in the fullness and greatness of this season of my life. I am constantly waiting and hoping for that next best thing. But this is where God placed me. And based on circumstances, I know that 2006 will be spent here in central Iowa while Marcus finishes his B.A. And I realize every day what a joy the people are in my life: I am fully stressed in my job, but I love the people I work with. I may not have forever on this earth to spend with my family - so I am thankful for holidays at home, weekend/weekday visits to see my relatives, and to watch my beautiful niece grow into the person she was created to be. These days are fleeting, and I have a new zeal to enjoy it to the fullest, because the end of my days here is always uncertain.

But on the other hand - I have been encouraged today to keep my dreams alive! God has given me desires in my heart that I can no longer supress. I know it is not my own initiative that conjured up these desires and passions - it is the Lord! Why else would I dream of living in Japan for life? Why else would I want to sell everything I have to give to the poor and to those who are fundraising and need money more than me? Why else would I desire to die for sharing my faith? These are God-given desires, and they may seem crazy - but they fester in my heart, deep below the smily surface of my face and appearance. I want my life to count, I dont want to waste it and let my days trickle away until it's time to go home. And I dont want to waste the passions and talents God has given me - and right now they are sitting idle in my head and heart. I just want to be used, Lord, used to the fullest in the best means you intend for me.

This year, I am going to be praying big. I want to be amazed and caused to fall face-down in the dirt in humility and awe when God moves and answers prayer in ways I could never "ask for or even imagine." It excites me and thrills me to think of what He might do in this next year, both here in central Iowa and to prepare my husband and I to move on.

Who knows. Who knows. Only God-Almighty. And I am okay living today and waiting on Him for tomorrow.

Best Friend

2005-12-29T13:28:00.000-06:00

Jo,

Okay, so I know I said I was going to stop writing "to" someone, but I thought I'd make an exception!

I just want you to know that the old saying is true "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." Even though we didnt "see" each other a whole lot, we still talk a lot, ever since I met you in 2003. And ever since you moved to Japan, God has been stirring my heart about the importance of our friendship.

You are my best friend, Jo.

Marcus is probably my best friend, but somehow, that doesnt count! Nothing can compare to a best-girl-friend. You are IT, my dear. Thanks for sticking by me through all my sin, my crap, and for rejoicing with the good in my life. I hope that these next two years lead to nothing less than a stronger friendship than before you left. You are a blessing and a light unto the world. SHINE my friend, and SHINE BRIGHTLY. Stand at the top of a hill, and let no bush or breath of satan blow you out. You get out there and do your thang! :) And remember what I said in my email - I am praying those things specifically, and I believe God has given us friendship at this time in our lives very intentionally. There is greater reason than you or I know.

I love you deeply, my good friend.

PS-For some reason, I am remembering that time we spent crying after an early-in-the-summer SNASM, when we talked to Drew. Remember? Remember how we felt so helpless? I feel like God wants to reveal to us something GREAT this year...something HUGE and MIGHTY. Maybe God wants do to the greater than we can even ask for or imagine. Do we dare hope and pray for it to blossom forth? I think you know the answer...missing you friend, but knowing you and I are in the right place for this season.

My Friend, Jo

2005-12-29T13:20:00.000-06:00

Hey Everyone -

So, today I just felt like "filtering the goodness" from my life to yours. I love my friend Joanna so much, and she is currently in Japan for the next 2 years ministering to Japanese students. Praise God for His faithfulness to save and redeem my friend Jo, and for her faithfulness in return to go and give of her life for 2-3 years. I am proud of her.

I just wanted you all to know that her blog is worth reading. She speaks from her heart, she shares great stories, and her pictures are precious. If you feel like checking out her "spot", here it is. Click the link above.

PS-I also have a desire to change my blog. I feel I tend to write now to "please the readers" or write as though Im actually talking to one of you! So, my heart is telling me to stop. Because for some reason I am feeling really hesitant to write, afraid of what someone might think. SO...I am going to be revamping my blog soon. I am hoping in my heart that it will become more like a journal. Going back to the days when words flowed freely through my fingertips, writing as though nobody would ever read what I have to say. I actually dont know if anything will change, but we'll see! My intentions are changing, anyways.

PPS-It's funny to me how every year I hear "what are your new year resolutions?" Well, this year it's like God is impressing some amazing things on my heart, without me even seeking them out. I am super thankful for it! I have a lot of goals for the next year, because of what He has been pushing me to do. Im looking forward very much to the start of a new year... maybe I will share more another time. Inquire if you will!

At Work...Yet Not So Much

2005-12-22T08:43:00.000-06:00

So, today Im at work, but is it wierd that I dont feel like Im really at work? Listening to Christmas music on various CDs, laughing about the humorous sayings that were passed around yesterday, and the conversations about weekend Christmas plans.

Tis the Season to be thankful to the Lord! He has made my heart glad today. I am truly blessed to be working here.

Ooh, and I want to say something to Derek, who so graciously left a comment on my blog entry a few back...thank you for challenging me to make the most of where Im at. My ministry really is right where I am. There will always be the dream and work to get there - to the place I really believe God has created my heart for ministry - but for now, there is much to be done where I am. This past week especially the theme God taught me really was enjoying this season -making the most of where HE has brought me. I should stop fighting to get out and start fighting for the souls here around me.

So thanks.

Merry Christmas to all!

And if anyone feels like celebrating with me, my birthday is in 4 days! :)

The Winning Team!

2005-12-21T14:19:00.000-06:00

Todd, Mike, me and Anton

So this is the winning team! Last Friday, we had a "Crock-Off" at work. We were divided into teams of 4, and each team was in charge of picking a soup, cooking it, and presenting it in a crock pot. Well, the best team won!

You can barely see, but we presented our soup on an authentic place mat, complete with a china bowl, real-silver spoon, homemade crackers, cloth napkins in a silver napkin ring, and a small glass with a lit candle.

I think that may have been the clincher! Not forgetting the aprons and chef hats, complete with our team name "Souperstars!"

Oh what fun for a work day. Gotta love those holiday parties!

Seven Somethings...

2005-12-20T14:48:00.000-06:00

7 Things to Do Before I Die:

Visit or live in Japan and see my roomate Nagi one more time on Earth
Disciple a woman who would make a global impact
To have a child. Actually three, if I can be so bold as to ask for more than one
Visit or be a missionary in an unreached village or people group
Write a book
Learn another language fluently
See the world - the 7 wonders - or visit as many famous nature/buildings locations.

7 Things I Cannot Do:

Dance with talent
Sing high notes
A backhandspring
Extend patience and grace on a daily and momentary basis
Stop desiring that yummy M&M DQ Blizzard...
Confront people
Burp. Seriously.

7 Things That Attract Me To My Husband:

His passion for God
His love for men and desire to see them live for Jesus
His love of the outdoors and crazy climbing skills
The way he pursued/pursues me still
The fact that he will eat ANYTHING
He makes people laugh
He was spared from stage 3 cancer - God MUST have a purpose for his life.

7 Things I Say Most:

Shoot!
What-ev
For sure
Totally
Yeppers
Alrighty
Peace out

7 Books Or Series I Love:

Redeeming Love
There's a Girl in My Hammerlock
The Bible
Blue Like Jazz
The Greatest Salesman in the World
Little House on the Prairie
The Polar Express

7 Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again:

You've Got Mail
Kate and Leopold
Sleepless in Seattle (do you see a theme here?)
Forest Gump
Shawshank Redemption
16 Candles
Braveheart

7 Bloggers To Tag:

Copy and re-post if so desire! :)

Is This For Real???

2005-12-15T12:08:00.000-06:00

YES!

It is for real folks. To all of you who are blonde, I am not trying to offend anyone. It is just FUNNY.

My dad said this car was in Boone about a month ago. The photo was passed around among the people he works with at the office.

I thought I'd share some humor for the day!

We Be Crazy, Folks!

2005-12-13T12:02:00.000-06:00

So, I love my husband. I dont talk about him much on my blog, because a lot of things are really personal. But today, I felt the need to share him with you all!

Some know him well, some not at all. No matter. Marcus: he's a dream-maker. He's a life-giver. And greatest of all, he's a joy to be married to. We're young. We're in love. We're ambitious. I cant wait to see what the rest of life holds for us now that we're together.

So Marcus-here's to you. You are my other half, and I love you.

Let it Snow...

2005-12-08T15:15:00.000-06:00

So, today I drove to work with Marcus. It was snowing and slippery, and we couldnt very well see the road ahead of us, so we decided to take the interstate instead of the back roads. Once we hit I-35, we were gonners. Driving to work usually takes about 40 minutes, tops. Today - one hour and forty-five minutes. Yep. Stuck in traffic. Probably averaged about 10-15 miles per hour. Saw about 5 to 10 different cars in a wreck; saw lots of loose tire and car parts strewn all over the roads. Not a good day for driving.

If we thought that was bad...I heard from my brother in law, who lives about 20 minutes from his place of work. Took him over an hour to get to work today! Snow is crazy. Driving is crazy.

Ah, the joys of a winter in Iowa.

Movie Madness!

2005-12-06T13:54:00.000-06:00

One the lighter side of life....I have been and continue to be a huge movie fan!

copy, and repost!! Choose which movies you've seen and what you've liked/disliked. Take a tally by marking the following options:

column one -- saw it
column two -- liked it

(x)(x) Pirates of the Caribbean ( )( ) Boondock Saints ( )( ) The Mexican
( )( ) Fight Club ( )( ) Starsky and Hutch ( )( ) Neverending Story
( )( ) Blazing Saddles ( )( ) Garden State (x)(x) The Princess Bride
(x)(x) Young Frankenstien ( )( ) Anchorman (x)(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( )( ) Saw ( )( ) White Noise ( )( ) White Oleander
( )( ) Anger Management (x)(x) My Best Friends Wedding
(x)(x) Father of the Bride (x)(x) Bring It On ( )( ) Coyote Ugly
(x)(x) Dirty Dancing (x)(x) 50 First Dates (x)(x) Scream
(x)( x) Scream 2 (x)(x) Scream 3 ( )( ) Scary Movie
( )( ) Scary Movie 2 ( )( ) Scary Movie 3 (x)( ) American Pie
( )( ) American Pie 2 ( )( ) American Wedding (x)(x) Harry Potter
( )( ) Harry Potter 2 ( )( ) Harry Potter 3 ( )( ) Resident Evil I
( )( ) Resident Evil 2 (x)(x) The Wedding Singer( )( ) Little Black Book
(x)(x) Forrest Gump (x)(x) Kate & Leopold (x)(x) Miss Congeniality
( )( ) The Village ( )( ) Donnie Darko ( )( ) Lilo & Stitch
(x)(x) Finding Nemo (x)(x) Finding Neverland ( )( ) 13 Ghosts
(x)(x) Signs (x)(x) The Grinch ( )( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( )( ) White Chicks ( )( ) Butterfly Effect (x)(x) Thirteen going on 30
(x)(x) I, Robot ( )( ) Dodgeball ( )( ) Universal Soldier
( )( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events (x)(x) Along Came A Spider
( )( ) Deep impact ( )( ) The Wedding Date (x)(x) When Harry Met Sally
(x)( ) KingPin (x)(x) Never Been Kissed (x)(x) Meet The Parents
(x)( ) Meet the Fockers (x)(x) A Cinderella Story (x)(x) The Terminal
( )( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie ( )( ) Passport to Paris (x)(x) Dumb & Dumber
( )( ) Dumb & Dumberer (x)( ) Final Destination ( )( ) Final Destination 2
( )( ) Halloween ( )( ) The Ring ( )( ) The Ring 2
( )( ) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle ( )( ) Practical Magic
( )( ) Chicago ( )( ) Ghost Ship ( )( ) From Hell
( )( ) Hellboy (x)(x) Secret Window (x)(x) I Am Sam
(x)(x) The Whole Nine Yards ( )( ) The Whole Ten Yards (x)(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x)( ) Child's Play ( )( ) Bride of Chucky (x)(x) Ten Things I Hate About You( )( ) Just Married ( )( ) Gothika ( )( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x)(x) Sixteen Candles ( )( ) Bad Boys ( )( ) Bad Boys 2
(x)( ) Joy Ride (x)( ) Seven (SE7EN) (x)(x) Oceans Eleven
(x)(x) Oceans Twelve ( )( ) Identity ( )( ) Lone Star
( )( ) Predator I ( )( ) Predator II (x)(x) Independence day
( )( ) Cujo ( )( ) A Bronx Tale ( )( ) Darkness Falls
( )( ) Christine (x)(x) ET (x)( ) Children of the Corn
( )( ) My Boss' Daughter (x)(x) Maid in Manhattan ( )( ) Frailty
( )( ) Best bet (x)(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)(x) She's All That ( )( ) Calendar Girls ( )( ) Sideways
( )( ) Mars Attacks ( )( ) Event Horizon (x)(x) Ever After
(x)(x) Forrest Gump ( )( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x)(x) X-men 1 (x)(x) X-men 2 (x)(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x)(x) The Others (x)(x) Freaky Friday ( )( ) Ring of Fire
( )( ) The Hot Chick ( )( ) Swimfan ( )( ) Miracle
( )( ) Old School (x)(x) Ray ( )( ) The Notebook
( )( ) K-Pax (x)(x) Sleepless In Seattle (x)(x) You've Got Mail
(x)(x) That Thing You Do (x)(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x)(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x)(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (x)(x) A Walk to Remember
( )( ) Boogeyman (x)(x) Hitch ( )( ) The Fifth Element
( )( ) Drive Me Crazy (x)(x) Good Will Hunting (x)(x) Someone Like You
(x)( ) Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace
(x)( ) Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones
( )( ) Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith
(x)( ) Star Wars episode IV A New Hope
(x)( ) Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(x)( ) Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi... ( )( ) Troop Beverly Hills
( )( ) Swimming with Sharks (x)(x) Air Force One ( )( ) For Richer or Poorer
( )( ) Trainspotting ( )( ) People under the stairs ( )( ) Blue Velvet
(x)(x) Sound of music (x)(x) Parent Trap (x)(x) The Burbs
(x)( ) The Terminator (x)(x) Empire Records ( )( ) SLC Punk
(x)(x) Meet Joe Black ( )( ) A Clockwork Orange ( )( ) The Order
(x)(x) Spiderman ( )( ) Spiderman 2 ( )( ) Amelie
( )( ) Bridget Jones' Diary ( )( ) Bridget Jones: Beyond the Edge of Reason
(x)( ) 28 Days (x)(x) Mrs. Doubtfire (x)(x) While You Were Sleeping( )( ) Mean Girls (x)(x) Shrek (x)(x) Shrek 2
(x)(x) The Incredibles (x)(x) Collateral (x)(x) The Fast & The Furious( )( ) 2 Fast 2 Furious ( )( ) Sky Captain Of The World Of Tomorrow
(x)(x) Closer (x)(x) Titanic (x)( ) Saved!
( )( ) Bowling For Columbine ( )( ) Farenheit 9/11 (x)(x) The Sixth Sense
( )( ) Artificial intelligence (AI) (x)(x) Love actually ( )( ) Ella Enchanted
(x)(x) Princess diaries 1 ( )( ) Princess diaries 2 ( )( ) Constantine
(x)(x) Million Dollar Baby ( )( ) Envy ( )( ) Eurotrip
( )( ) Malibu's Most wanted (x)(x) Big Daddy (x)(x) Black Sheep
(x)(x) The Breakfast Club (x)(x) West side story (x)(x) Now & Then
(x)(x) A Christmas Story (x)(x) Spanglish (x)( ) Pulp Fiction
( )( ) Sleepover ( )( ) The Evil Dead
( )( ) Killer Klowns From Outer Space ( )( ) The Seed of chucky
(x)( ) Vanilla Sky ( )( ) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x)( ) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind ( )( ) Interview With a Vampire( )( ) The Crow ( )( ) Purple Rain ( )( ) Reservoir Dogs
(x)(x) Wayne's World (x)(x) Wayne's World 2 (x)(x) Grease
(x)(x) Stepmom (x)(x) Runaway Bride ( )( ) 21 Grams
( )( ) Blow (x)(x) Edward Scissorhands ( )( ) Clerks
(x)(x) Beauty and the Beast ( )( ) Guess who ( )( ) Monster In-Law
(x)(x) Elf ( )( ) Stuart Little ( )( ) Stuart Little 2
(x)(x) Mall Rats (x)(x) Chasing Amy ( )( ) Dogma
( )( ) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back ( )( ) Beetlejuice
(x)(x) The Last Samurai ( )( ) The Amityville Horror (x)( ) The Aviator
(x)(x) Romeo and Juliet (x)( ) Barbershop ( )( ) Beauty Shop
(x)(x) Legally Blonde ( )( ) Legally Blonde 2 ( )( ) The Forgotten
( )( ) Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen ( )( ) Grudge
(x)(x) Dead Poets Society (x)(x) Pretty Woman (x)(x) The Mask
( )( ) The Majestic (x)(x) Bruce Almighty (x)(x) Little Women
(x)(x) Mr. Deeds (x)( ) Cable Guy (x)( ) Charlie's Angels

Total Seen: 130
Total Liked:107

Pain in the Heart

2005-12-06T13:28:00.000-06:00

I have a good friend suffering from a broken heart right now. Breakups SUCK! Man...yuck. It makes my heart hurt and remember all those broken pieces of my heart that had to be patched back together and re-shaped as my heart was put back together. Im serious - it's that real!

Well, to my anonymous friend (you know who you are) - God is very real, and I know you are experiencing His realness and closeness. These days are hard, but I am confident one day you will heal completely, and you WILL BE stronger, bolder, wiser, and more ready to face your days in this world with God's confidence. I trust in that for you, and know it true in my life. I love you and want you to know you are a treasure. Im so thankful for your obedience to God, and for the coming steps you are about to take in your life. Praise God that you do not have to deal with more consequences down the road, that you found out now. You said it yourself - you've been spared more hurt.

Well, to all you experiencing pain in the heart - it's a very deep and real pain - be encouraged. God has a plan and wants to work things out FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.
Let's stand on that together.

What is happening?

2005-12-06T13:20:00.000-06:00

I feel like things are going crazy in my life! I havent even posted a blog since November 30th? Where is the time going? Why are days flying past me? Sometimes I sit and just think, pretty much I sit and think all the time. Lately I have been having strange thoughts. Just wonderings, really. Wondering why time flies faster now than ever before. Wondering how it happened that Im married now! Sometimes it feels like Im just playing make-believe, like when I was younger I'd play house with my sisters. I wonder what am I doing with my life? Why am I here in this job when my heart longs to be elsewhere? Will I ever make friends again? Will I ever find the time to do the things I really want to do in this life?

I found out my grandpa has lung cancer. It's stage 4. Im getting worried, even though everyone who's been there says it's a waste of energy to worry. Well, I cant help it. And I think it's causing other thoughts, randomly, to creep into my head. I dont want to waste my life. I DONT WANT TO WASTE MY LIFE. My heart is screaming out for something more, and Im feeding it with meager morsels of pop culture, hit tv shows, and laziness. I feel trapped, and I dont want to be trapped. I want to make the most out of every opportunity, and stop wasting away. I dont want to get to the end of my life and be content collecting seashells in a warm climate. And most of all, I dont want my grandpa to die. He has so much to give, so much potential, and so much love for all of us, for people in this world. Why now? Why him? My heart is crying out.

I do believe God allows things like this to happen with great purpose. I am thankful for this wake-up call. I am thankful to be so close to him, to be with him during what could be his last days, to be able to watch him get more serious and intentional with his life. I hope that I will be sparked by his energy and by the Spirit of the Lord to get SERIOUS about my life.

I love you, Grandpa. And hope I can show you more and more.

My Vacation

2005-11-30T12:57:00.000-06:00

I have returned! It's interesting how being away last week felt so good, but now that Im back in the office and "real life" it feels like I never had a vacation. Just cant win in this world...

But I did want to share a fun photo of my time in Colorado. Typical day for me: hiking, eating, and sleeping! God did use those days for His glory. I loved Sunday service at Rocky Mountain Calvary in Colorado Springs...wow, what a powerful place of worship. I love learning straight from the Word of God. The Word literally broke me to tears, and Im so thankful for Laura and her listening, forgiving heart. (She's in the picture here) Other days, I had some sweet conversations with my friends, I got to see the Air Force Academy once again and walk the property. It's a whole other world out there! Spent some good time at Nav Headquarters. And the whole time my head was in the clouds....

I desire greatly to be in full-time ministry. Yikes, my heart SCREAMS out for it! Last week really spurred Marcus and I on into conversations about seriously taking action with our lives. What are we doing? What are we living for? We have come to a few decisions that will be beginning in 2006. We are praying and desiring God to move us forward. He definately inspires our hearts in adventurous ways...so watch out! I will have updates in the next few months.

Mwah! Laura, that's an e-kiss, my friend. I love you and miss you! :)

Off to Colorado!

2005-11-18T09:22:00.000-06:00

Yee-haw!

Im off to Colorado for the next five days! After graduating in May, four of my greatest friends moved to the same city in Colorado, not all living together or even working together. What are the chances? So I decided I must make the most of this opportunity; I'll get to see so many friends at one time - it's worth it!

So in the meantime, enjoy Thanksgiving week! And note to all: don't "gobble-gobble" all the turkey at once...I hear it makes you sleepy. ;)

Until next time...

More Pics of Germany...

2005-11-15T13:09:00.000-06:00

Oooh, and here are few more awesome, scenic pics to feast your eyes upon!

Let's Take a Trip to Germany....

2005-11-15T13:08:00.000-06:00

Okay, do these picture remind anyone else of the movies "Heidi" or "The Sound of Music"? Because they sure make me think of them! I cannot claim credit for these photos...props go out to my good friend Becky!

Becky is student teaching in Germany right now (she's the one on the left), and I just got some pictures from her. She is a great friend, so I wanted to dedicate my entry today to her. Since she's on my mind, now she can be on yours too, faithful reader!

I hope one day I will have the awesome opportunity of exploring another country. In the meantime, I am going to live vicariously through all my friends (aka Hilary, Allison, Laura, soon-to-be Joanna, and more to come).

In the meantime...yo, home to Belaire! (nah, not really).

Dreams...

2005-11-11T12:19:00.000-06:00

I have been having many, many more vivid dreams than I remember having in the past. I think Im going to start writing them down and saving them so if ever I find myself in a situation, or talking to someone else in a situation, and my dreams MEAN something - I can help.

Your thoughts? Why do we dream? What do they mean? I have heard opinion upon opinion of how to "read" dreams, but none have ever proven to be completely true in all cases. Often, I just find myself believing that God can still speak to us through our dreams as He did to people of the Bible.

So my most recent VIVID dream, you ask? I had a dream early this week that I was preparing for a cross country match, like when I used to run in high school. I was pulling my hair back and noticed that it was thinning at an incredible rate. When I had pulled my hair into a ponytail, I stepped out of the locker room and heard screams and one of the girls pulled me over to a mirror. Along the left side of my head (my left side) under my hair you could see the scalp. I took my ponytail down, lifted the hair up on that side, and was shocked to see two gaping holes in my head. They werent holes, more like craters, with a dark space in the middle, but they were DEEP. And they hurt. Everyone ran away from me. I went to another room to see the nurse, but she left while I was still in the waiting room. Finally, other girls started to come in, and it ended up actually being a prayer room, and gals I'd known in college were on their knees and praying in the darknes. I joined them and fell on my face...

And that's mostly what I remember. Wierd, huH? I have my own explainations and fears of what it all means, but I will trust the Lord and write it down for now.

Food for thought...

New Look

2005-11-11T07:42:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! If you've been visiting my log frequently, it's pretty obvious that I've got a different look. I wanted to do something outta my box, learn some more about sweet computer tools, like using links and stuff. So this is my new blog site! You will find that everything is the same as it always was, with only a few minor adjustments. I've got a "Links" portion, which Im diggin. I've included a couple things I really like and will hopefully learn how to make cooler things for ya'll to check out.

Peace out!

The Reasons Why

2005-11-08T12:41:00.000-06:00

Have you ever wondered WHY we have to experience heartache, loss, grief, or pain? I have often wondered why, especially when those feelings are so fresh and very real. Well I think I have discovered the reason (even if you dont agree with me!), and I'd like to share briefly.

Last night I was talking with my good friend Sarah-she's the gal on the left in the picture-as we often do every other week or so. Sarah and I have known each other for about 2 years now, and I cant remember a single conversation with this woman that I didnt experience a flashback with. Let me further explain: almost all that Sarah has talked about, experienced, thought, and felt during these last couple years, I myself have been through at one point or another. Last night, as I listened to Sarah talk of the aches in her heart and the longings in her soul, I felt Sarah, not physically, but somehow I really felt what she was going through. Because I HAVE BEEN THERE TOO.

That's when I fully realized that maybe, just maybe, a lot of what we go through has two-fold purpose. First, I believe God intends for suffering to draw us nearer and closer to intimacy with Himself, to teach us to walk as Christ walked (that's a whole other thought). Secondly, I believe God mysteriously connects us with people later on in life who will need someone to understand them. Not just to sympathize with them, but to really know because of experience. Maybe we are intended to feel these aches not to hurt us or bring us down, but instead to prepare us to HELP SOMEONE ELSE when they are in a time of need, going through the same aches and pains.

Sarah-I have said it before, and I will say it again in prayer "GOD WILL YOU PLEEEEEEASE KEEP GIVING ME TOUGH SITUATIONS TO GO THROUGH IF IT WILL MEAN I CAN RELATE TO WOMEN LIKE SARAH. " My life is full of much more purpose and grace and understanding towards others when moments like that happen. I am so very thankful for your vulnerable heart, and Im grateful God would grace us and ordain our footsteps just right so that we met at college and have the friendship we have. What a might God we serve. I pray I will have this outlook every time life gets hard. It's worth it, girl. It's worth it.

Psalm 119:25-32 Constantly reminds me of you, friend...
"I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees. Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free."

What Book of the Bible are YOU?

2005-11-02T15:36:00.000-06:00

Check this out! I am Ephesians, and WOW. Who woulda thought? I'd love to know what othes are! I got this offa someone else's blog. It's pretty cool.

Click on the title of this blog for a link to the quiz.

Adios!

I Welcome Your Thoughts...

2005-10-31T14:46:00.000-06:00

Hey All-

I have a few things on my mind to study right now, and one of them is "new testament prophecy" or prophecying. I welcome any of your thoughts/suggestions/verses/ideas as you can offer them. This weekend we looked at 1 Corinthians 14:1 which says "Pursue love, yet desire earnestly spiritual gifts, but especially that you may prophesy." I heard someone say that there is a difference between the old testament meaning and the new testament meaning.

I am excited to explore on my own, but I welcome anyone else's thoughts about this topic. Im excited to explore together!

The Way Things Work Out

2005-10-31T08:17:00.000-06:00

So, today I've been thinking a lot about my life. Mostly I have been captivated by the way God works things out for our good, but ultimately for HIS glory. My friend Joanna is the source of my thinking. We were talking about our friendship and how strange it is! Seriously, Joanna and I have never lived in the same town, we've never gone to the same school, and we've never spent longer than 10 weeks in the same place together. How is it that we can have such a great friendship? It's fun how God binds our hearts to others...and how He can do that with complete strangers who spend most of their relationship separated from one another.

Anyways. I want to reflect on the year 2003-2004 of college. That fall, God radically shook up "my plans" and made them His own. I had high hopes of a new relationship blossiming into the "it" relationship, of spending my next summer learning how to cook, and of enjoying the rest of that year living with three of my bestest friends. But...God had other things in mind. And it's interesting that when He breaks our hearts to break us down, He builds us back up stronger than ever before.

When that relationship ended, I felt the rest of my year/life would end! (Yes, Im overdramatic.) But the VERY NEXT DAY God revealed I was not alone, and He revealed that my plans were not His plans. I received a phone call from Noehren Hall asking me to take a fill-in Resident Assistant position on third floor. I had been put on a waiting list when I applied in the spring, so I had pretty much closed the door on that being an option. Immediately I thought "God, this is you. What are you doing in my life?" So I said yes to that and no to living with my friends. Two days before, I said to myself "If this relationship doesnt work out, Im applying for SMR next summer." Well, I also turned in my application and was accepted as a student leader that very week! And that started it all...

If I had not become an RA, I would not have been stretched in my faith. I would not know how to relate, love, and live with people so stark-opposite of me. I would not have gained the heart I have for the lost. I would not have grown in deep friendship with the women in my life. I would not have decided to live with Amy Schnell the next fall. And I would not have gone to A330 in March where I met Joanna. And finally, we would not have met at SMR and become lifelong friends. (PS-I also happened to "accidentally" meet my husband-to-be there as well!)

Isnt it amazing how God takes one season of suffering or loss or heartache and uses it to rebuild us into a stronger person in Him than we ever would have guessed? God is so good to us!

Today I have been reminded to wait on God. When I am in a season like that again, I want to trust that God has something in store for my life, and He has a way to use me to give Him greater glory than my plans would allow for. As I keep processing even now, I would not have so many things: the lessons I learned as an RA got me the job that I have right now; I would not have learned about the sin in my life if I had not lived with Amy; I would not have the deeper relationships with my parents that I have now; I would not have the heart to give and give freely if I hadnt met or seen this displayed in my in-laws. I would not have the greatest friends in the world that we've found in Joni and Derek-they give and would give anything for us; I would not have a niece who teaches me more about childlike faith and love and discipleship (i hope that one blossoms as the years go by) than anyone in my life; I would not have married the love of my life; I would not know God in the way I know Him now; I would not BE who I am today without God changing my plans into His own.

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

Lessons of Truth

2005-10-26T15:27:00.000-05:00

Today I've learned a few things about pointing out the sin in others.

Please read Matthew 7:3 (or the whole chapter for context) before going on. Click on the title of this blog for a link to the scripture online. The focus here is really on this verse, so it makes no sense unless you've read it...

It's not so easy to notice a speck. It's almost like we have to go looking for it. Sometimes, we'll just catch a glimpse of something that doesnt appear to be quite right, and then we investigate, hoping to find the thing that could be "off". That is what it's like! We look for it, we perceive that it's there, and we finally see that it is there. It consumes us!

Then the other issue is the log in our own eye. How in the WORLD do we look past a log? It's the easiest thing to see, you cant hardly miss a log in the known world. It's not really something that we have to look for. It's just THERE. We can fully observe that it's there, without much effort in looking.

Isnt it interesting that we can look past the log, the obvious thing in the way, and start examining and searching until we find that itty bitty little speck in the other person's eye?
Wow, what a revelation for me. This has challenged me to start asking God to give me new eyes, that I might see those logs in my life before I go searching and examining the other person.

PS-for those of you who are married or preparing to get married or who have hopes that one day you may be married, this is a great lesson to learn NOW. Just ask Marcus, my husband...the greatest annoyance might be communication, but second to that he would honestly tell you that he hates that I pick him apart sometimes, like he cant do anything right. Well, it's because Im "speck-hunting"! I have learned a great lesson today.

I hope this spurs many others on. I desire for truth to be kept in the inmost being, and this is a new one for me. What joy to walk with the Lord! Every day there's something to learn...
Blessings-
KB

Joanna...

2005-10-26T12:31:00.000-05:00

Yep. This is Joanna. She is probably one of the coolest friends I've got. We can be serious, we can be crazy, we can laugh together, we can cry together. We can do it all. I want to write all about her, I want you to KNOW her, and I want to do justice to the impact she has had in my life.

Today I logged onto her blog, and there was my face! I couldnt believe it. Joanna blessed me entirely by telling how I have affected her life. Well, I would like all of YOU to read it to, just to see the depth of our friendship. She is awesome, and pretty much everything she said of ME is true of HER.

Joanna, you are gonna change lives. You've already changed mine. I wouldnt have experienced what I did or done what I did that summer had you not been right there by my side. It takes two to tango, and it takes two to have a friendship. I have no doubt in my mind that we will continue to impact the kingdom of God TOGETHER, even though we will be half the world away from each other for the next two years.

Please read Jo's entry by clicking her name-the title of this entry. Read it knowing that God used Joanna to mold me into His child that summer, and know that Joanna's words/thoughts/actions ignited a fire in me for God that I had never had. She is a blessing, and together we are a powerhouse.

Im gonna miss ya Jo. But no matter what, we'll always have SMR '04 and each other. And we'll always be able to get down on our faces together in prayer. . . even from miles away.

Faithful till the end~
KB

All or Nothing

2005-10-25T08:08:00.000-05:00

This weekend I attended Main Event, an annual conference in Cedar Falls for collegiate students. It was my 5th Main Event experience, and wow. . . the title of the weekend says it all.

This weekend, the focus was John 15:5 "Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."

I came away from this weekend with a new and greater understanding of what it means to know Jesus, to know the Living God, the One and Only. Why do I go through life thinking I can pick and choose the times that I draw near to Him? Or why do I think that I can do things on my own, and why do I try and control or rule everything in my life? God wants me to REMAIN in Him. Not remain in myself.

I also realized that I go through life just longing and trying to produce fruit. I get so frustrated and beat myself up, when really - it's not hard to produce fruit! It happens NATURALLY. I cannot force it. So I went back to the source. . . it is God. It is not me who will produce fruit, it is God. And the only way that I will see it happen in my life is if I remain in Him. Mmmmm. I love new truth.

The greatest moments of this weekend were learning the length of my life. You can too! Okay, as you read this, pause for a moment. Take a deep breath in, and let it out. . . did you do it? THAT is how long your life is. Our lives are but a breath; are we living it with ALL that we have? Or are we just running aimlessly toward the end? It will come quick; I want to make the most of these days. The other greatest moment was thinking of my life as an equation. Me+nothing else=a big fat ZERO at the end. Me+God=EVERYTHING. God can do anything; all authority belongs to Him! And even if you take me out of the picture (for God doesnt need me to accomplish anything. . . He is going to do it no matter what) you still have this equation: God+nothing=EVERYTHING! For example: God alone, with nobody around to teach Him, to guide Him, to imagine it, created the UNIVERSE in a word. With just His words He spoke the earth and everything in it into existence.

How am I going to live my life? Is it going to be ALL that I have? Or will I give NOTHING and come to the end with a zero on my scorecard? I want to KNOW Jesus, I want to stop looking for what God might be doing, stop looking for His miracles and majestic displays. . . I want to KNOW HIM personally. Psalm 27:4, 8 "One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD And to meditate in His temple. When You said, "Seek My face," My heart said to You, "Your face, Lord, I will seek." David is referred to as a "man after God's own heart." I want my life to stop seeking out the things of God-the created-and to start focusing on God Himself-the Creator. I believe that intimacy and friendship with God will be the start to a fruitful life.

God, would you use me in my breath of a lifetime. Would you keep me on this earth no longer than needed; would the length of my life be only the time you need to expand your kingdom through me. God, would you water me and grow me, and would fruit naturally pop out of me in this world. I pray you would give me the easy ones God, that I may meet people ripe and ready for picking. Challenge me, strengthen me, and use me even today. Amen.

God Provides

2005-10-19T14:52:00.000-05:00

Wow, here is a blog entry that I never published...but it's worth it.

So today I was reading a "stranger's" blog. She left a comment on my blog, I linked up to her blog, and now it's like being a close friend...to a stranger! How ironic is that? Blogs really make the world smaller.

Anyways...

She is really frustrated about not finding a job since moving from the midwest to the California coast. I would feel the same way. In fact, I have felt the same way, and I know many people who could pipe in right about now. That got me thinking of how much I have seen God provide.

Even though I could share a hundred stories, I will share the most recent. My husband and I were both feeling strapped on cash. (Funny random interjection: what does that mean really...feeling "strapped on cash"? I welcome any suggestions.) We were still able to pay our bills, get the loan payments in, etc. But we were starting to wonder "God, how are we going to buy food and other basics this month? It's almost gone!" That very day, God showed me how it works! It's all HIM, it is never ME or US. It's HIM. My accounts payable lady came up to me and told me that there had been a mistake...too much money had been deducted from my last paycheck for health insurance. So she intended to pay the difference on this paycheck...and it was just enough money that God revealed to me how truly and uniquely and mysteriously He wants and WILL provide for his peeps.

So, this one goes out to you, Princess. Yes, you know who you are. God is watching over you, as always. You are loved whatever you go through. (I stole that from a song on the radio today) He is going to get you that job, but in the meantime-He's got another part of the "adventure" of life to take you on!

Thanks God. You provide my words and my breath daily. You are beautiful, my sweet Savior.

I'm Back!

2005-10-19T13:34:00.000-05:00

Yes, it has been a very long time since I've added anything cool or interesting to my blog! Sorry, to my faithful but few readers! I will try and do better.

After two weeks in production-earning myself a sweaty body, dirty everything, sore muscles kind of life, I am now back to my office job. I do miss wearing sweatshirts and jeans to work, but I am glad to have my email and internet back!

Thanks for looking in on me. I will do my best to keep this better updated and share more of my "daily lessons" and thoughts with you all.

Have a great Hump Day!

KB

It's 6:00pm...and Im WHERE???

2005-09-27T18:02:00.000-05:00

It's 6:00pm, and Im still sitting in the office. Been here since 6:55am.
Yep. That's my life.

Galations 6:9 "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we
will reap if we do not grow weary."

New Meaning to A Common Phrase

2005-09-26T13:04:00.000-05:00

This blog is inspired by my friend Emily C. in Arizona. Emily has faithfully "given her life away" to many women I know and has made an impact on my faith, my personality, and my life.

For any and all of you who have had "Navigator" training or background, I guarantee you have heard this said many times: "giving your life away." This weekend, I learned that giving my life away does not and will not always look exactly the same.

I first heard this phrase early in my college years. During these last two years, God has given me the vision and opportunity to begin giving my life away in order that other women may grow in their faith and share Christ with people. Discipleship has come to be at the center of my heart and where my passion in life remains. I long to see women drawn near to the Lord, drinking deeply of His waters, and feeding people around them with the Bread of Truth about who Christ is.

This year, God has taken and placed me in a job and community far different from the college students I found myself surrounded by these last four years. This year has been filled with getting to know my husband Marcus, growing in relationship with my sister in law Joni and her husband Derek, talking with my sisters long distance as they are in college, seeing extended family for birthdays and holidays, and spending time with both Marcus' parents and my own. I work in an environment of hectic, fast-paced movement that allows for little to no conversation about topics outside of our job. I have found myself wondering "God, how do I attempt to give my life away in these settings?

Well, this weekend, my heart realized its place here. I have the amazing opportunity to witness the growth of a small child, my neice Miya Karin Pine. Sometimes I feel like my heart could not love her more, it nearly bursts as though she were my own! I have watched her take her first few steps, make her first attempts at forming words, and it is a joy to watch her discover our world. She has such a desire to learn, to imitate, to befriend. She soaks up anything and everything placed in front of her or in her hands.

And this got me thinking...what better age to begin praying for, loving on, and speaking truth to a person than at 2 years old? The things she learns now will be her foundation for life. Even though she wont remember much of it, she will have certain thing engrained in her personality and thoughts whether good or bad. I feel so fortunate to hold her, speak or sing in her sweet little ears, to dance to the Wiggles together, to teach Gizmo tricks, lay in bed with her as she falls asleep, hold her so tight as she says "Miya-hold you!" (her version of "Kelli, hold me"), and tell her who Jesus is. I pray God would give us rich years with this child, and fruitful, meaningful conversations and life experiences with her father and mother, Joni and Derek. God has given me a blessing and I pray I take no time for granted but make the most of today.

It is exciting to watch God develop new and exciting ways to "give my life away" to those around me. I pray this will be a never-ending pattern in my life.

To those of you who have been a part of this, you have blessed me more than I can ever expect or imagine to bless you. You push me to new levels, and you have molded and changed me into the woman I am today. I LOVE YOU ALL!

This World is NOT My Home...

2005-09-22T14:01:00.000-05:00

I have chosen this picture to depict my GREATEST DREAM. Wouldn't it me amazing, simply a-to-the-mazing, if everyone on earth lived their lives with this mentality? Oh, yeah... let me fill you in...

1 Kings 13:7 "Then the king said to the man of God, "Come home with me and refresh yourself, and I will give you a reward.""

John 18:36 "Jesus answered, "My kingdom is not of this world. If My kingdom were of this world, then My servants would be fighting so that I would not be handed over to the Jews; but as it is, My kingdom is not of this realm." "

1 Peter 2:11a "Dear brothers and sisters, you are foreigners and aliens here..."

Wow. Think about that. Do you really, honestly, whole-heartedly live like these people on the right? I want to start my life running like Im running away from this world and its ways and heading straight into the arms of God. Let's join the traffic, my fellow Jesus-Freaks, and go after it!

God, thank you for such a neat picture of what it could look like if we were all running after you, all on the same road headed in the same direction. I pray it becomes a traffic jam, that there are SO MANY people on the road to LIFE that it is jam packed!

My "Real World" Experience

2005-09-22T09:12:00.000-05:00

This one's for all you college students out there. . . and for all of you who were, at one time, college students!

It is incredible the way I have found my perspective and view of the world to change as I have left the "college bubble" to enter what many call "the real world." In college, there were only few distinct moments I can recall knowing, actually knowing what was going on in the world. I remember sitting on my roomate's chair in my dormroom freshman year watching the horrific sight of the second plane hitting the second World Trade Center tower. I remember hanging out in my dorm room with Amy, Marcus, and Ben watching the 2004 Presidental Elections until the wee hours of the morning. Other than those two experiences, my life revolved around what events took place on campus or life experiences that myself or people in close proximity to me lived through.

Today, and most every day of the week, I sit at my computer and I am astonished. Our world is so full of everyday events, national news, and huge displays of GOD ALMIGHTY. As I read the update for today, Thursday September 22nd 2005, it is obvious to me that God wants the glory! He wants the fear and trembling of people in this generation, as well as those past and yet to come. And greater yet, He wants sin to be KILLED, for sin in our lives to be put to death. I have often pondered on topics of mass-destruction: the World Trade Center/Pentagon/Pennsylvania terrorism, the tsunami in Southern Asia, the bombings in Japan and London, the earthquakes in Chile, tornados destroying entire towns, and hurricanes that rip through the greatest cities in America? I have especially thought long on whhhhy, for what purpose? Though I will never know, I have my own ideas of what might be occuring. In all my years of walking with the LORD and living through the ups and downs of life, I have seen and I believe that nothing is outside of the will or hands of God. Though destroyed and demolished, God will restore and build up again-stronger than before. I think of Southern Asia and my mind sees: poverty, caste systems, child and women forced-sex industries, Buddhism, Hinduism, idol worship, self-mutilation, and people selling themselves to everything but the LORD GOD. I think this was a wake-up call and an oppportunity for God to show that He WILL destroy if it means it can be rebuilt stronger. God has opened wide the doors of opportunity for countless people to share Jesus Christ and salvation with the lost, confused, and hurt people in that region. It is already spreading, and I cant wait to WAIT on God, to see His purposes played out in this region of the world. And do we as Americans think we are that lucky, that we will miss out on the righteous anger and purposes of God??? I love the verse that says "The proud will be humbled before the LORD..." I believe that God uses "nature" to wake people up! The horrific events of September 11th, Hurricane Katrina, and possibly Hurricane Rita are just small, small ways that God is trying to get our attention! WAKE UP, O MY PEOPLE! TURN YOUR BACKS ON IDOLS, MATERIALISM! RUN TO ME AND WORSHIP ME! And rightly so, my goodness! If entire communities and people groups can be wiped off of this earth in the span of less than a minute, who are we to think we can control the days of our lives?

This season of being in the "real world" has taught me many more things, but that is a blog to come. These thoughts have been reeling in my mind all day, and I had to find some relief! Before i go, I do want to say that this is in NO WAY intended to nullify or sting those who lost loved ones in these tragedies. That is still an aspect I cannot fully comprehend. The only thing I can do is remember that my God chose to give of His own flesh and blood, His own soul and spirit, HIS OWN SON as a sacrifice for so many people. There had to be a pure sacrifice for salvation and freedom to come. He sacrificed an innocent, holy, and sinless man for the sins of the world. Before, only select few people were able to walk with God, to experience Him or hear of Him. Now, because of DEATH of Jesus, everyone who chooses and confesses can live in relationship with the living God any time, any day, any way and all the time, no questions asked. Why would I question why God chooses innocent people to die? I must believe it is for a greater plan than I can fully grasp in this lifetime. I just want to portray that we serve an AWESOME GOD, and if we dont serve Him now, He will COMMAND it of us when we meet Him face to face when this world ends and we enter eternity.

Thank you, O my Jesus for saving me and for redeeming me. I thank you even more God, that you have a plan to redeem your world, the world that YOU created. You deserve our worship and our lives. Thank you for letting me exit college life and enter this new season. Without that, I would have continued to live in a bubble. I pray that you would constantly change the seasons of all our lives, that we might be dropped on our faces and given the opportunity to once again depend on you rather than ourselves. You are WORTHY Jesus. Worthy is the Lamb who was slain. WoRthY!

What I Learned From Disney

2005-09-09T18:10:00.000-05:00

Who would have thought that a Disney-made movie would hold such revelation for me to discover? And thank God for inspiring someone who works for Disney to take a "leap of faith" and create a fairytale-esk movie of a Biblical and very real story! On Wednesday night I watched "The Prince of Egypt" with my husband and my 2-year-old-on-Saturday niece. During and after my viewing of the movie, my heart has been stirring with new truths. Join me as I explore...

I have never really stopped to think about "timing." And I dont mean in the sense like "Oh, the timing isnt right" or "I wish I had had better timing on that one." I am talking about a much greater meaning of the word. Have you ever stopped to think about how long, really just how LONG 400 years is? Think about how much has happened in THIS CENTURY alone. That is only 1/4 the amount. We're talking about all of the events and happenings from 1600 to 2000. When I stop and think about it, I can only wrap my mind around bits and pieces of what has really happened in that span of history. During the movie, my mind was stretched out a bit.

The Israelites experienced slavery for about 400 years during the time before Moses was born. FOUR HUNDRED YEARS. Never before have I realized how long of a time that is. As I was watching, I started to realize the skeptical Israelites really did have a reason to be skeptics! I started to put myself in their situation. Say that I was born just a few years before Moses was a shepherd. I am born into slavery, growing up being toted around on my mother's back as she draws water or mixes dirt or sweeps the grounds for Pharoah's people. For years and years this becomes all that I know: slavery. No freedom, no choice, no opportunity for change. Then there is another side of my story. All of my life I've grown up with the stories. I've heard all about God and His greatness, I've heard rumors of what miracles He has performed. Yet in all of my days, in all of my parent's days, and perhaps in the last four or more generations of my family, we have never even once experienced anything of this God the stories spoke of. Perhaps they are as real to me as the fairytales of our time are to kids. "Sure, great story. But totally not real."

Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Moses, a son in Pharoah's household, kills a man. He runs for his life into the desert, never to be seen again (or so people think). Things change, life goes back to normal...except for the man in the desert.

This is where my perspective shifts to Moses. I now put myself in his shoes. Wandering in the desert must be a real trip, dont you think? HA! Here I am, wandering with no one. I am all alone, all alone to weep through my disgraceful act, shaming myself into oblivion. Who can change what I have done? Who can forgive a man like me? What am I even living for? (Ever been there? Ever felt like that? I sure have.) Finally, but some stroke of luck, I am taken in by a free people group, taught how to live peacefully, how to shepherd sheep, how to live for something other than myself and my desires. I am looking at life with a totally new perspective. I am learning how to care for animals who are stubborn and stupid enough to wander off by themselves and to get stuck in situations they cannot get out of themselves. I love this new life, I love the pace of it, yet why? What can my life be worth? What am I doing here?

Then it happens. While rescuing one lost sheep, God speaks to me. God of all the stories that I have heard growing up, God who makes fire from a bush that never gets scorched. GOD ALMIGHTY. I AM. (Okay, Im jumping back to Kelli now!) This is where I experience the very realness of Moses' life story, of the biblical story that I've read many times growing up. As I watch the movie, I watch how powerful, how powerful it must have been to experience the voice of God in that cave of the mountain. As God's voice fades, Moses exhales as though he has been holding his breath for a time, and one single tear drips down out of his awe-inspired eyes. (If you havent seen this, watch this part-just this part-to experience what it's really like to meet God like that. It will move you.) Wow. Wow. Here is where I can just hear Moses' thoughts aloud: "And not only that, but God has given me a new purpose for my days and called me to something so great I never would have thought it possible. Free the people of Israel? But that's all they know! That's all they have ever experienced, that is all they expect out of life. And who am I? I cant even speak without stuttering, I will be looked upon as a murderer, and my brother Pharoah will think I have denied him, turned my back to take another's side. ME???"

And so it is. Most of you know the rest of the story. But I have just been thinking, WOW, how amazing it must be that God would be so still and let so much hurt suffering, death, and toil happen to His people for that amount of time, but then bust back onto the scene in such glory and power.

I reflect on my own life and see that I tend to live the "instant pleasure" life. Whether or not it is my own selfishness or my American-engrained culture, it consumes me. Why do I think that God is against me if He chooses to be silent for a season, sometimes I get mad even if it's just for a few weeks! It is easy to think that I can have what I want when I want, and that just transfers right over to spiritual things as well. But, God doesnt work like that! I have learned a great many lessons from this movie, nay from the Bible which is the very root of the movie. Mostly, I have learned that I cannot put a leash on God. I cannot forget what God has done for me, even if it was years ago! Who am I to assume that God is gone or away or forsaking me just because I dont hear from Him or see Him clearly for one season of my life? And who am I to say or think that my life has no purpose as His child? There are so many thoughts to ponder as I think about this and many more "ponderous" moments from the movie.

Join me next time, as I explore the thoughts on why I believe God took me through my most recent "season" of this summer.

Again, thank you for reading.

KB

Ponderous...

2005-08-24T14:57:00.000-05:00

Now doesnt that make you just miss the MOUNTAINS? Today is a short blog day. All day I have been doing today is finding pictures on Snapfish from SMR 04, remembering in my mind all the beauty of the LORD. Creation is beautiful and marvelous, but what is more beautiful are the hands that created this picture. I love the work of God so evident in Colorado.

Today my heart will continue to ponder the beauty and the people I met that fine, fine summer. This one is for Emily, Amy, Katie, and Becky. Yep, you know who you are! :)

Love you, ladies, and will always cherish the way God brought us together for 10 weeks. You are a treasure and another display of beauty from the LORD.

KB