Life Takes Its Toll

Today I am emotionally drained. I have disconnected my feelings from my normal everyday experience. I feel empty, yet full. I feel full of Truth and Love, full of Jesus. Yet I feel so empty from the weekend.

No better way to say it; I must create a list and move on with my day:

• My grandpa's cancerous tumors are growing, and it made me weep all night Saturday
• The youngest kids in my family (my cousins, etc) come from broken homes. I wish I had the capacity to parent them all or have the ability to find stability for them and for the women who labor in taking care of them alone
• My husband's uncle died and the visitation/funeral was this weekend. It was hard not to transfer my fears of my grandfather's life ending to the present situation. I am fearful for his death
• Tom's life has come to a tragic end, and yet the family does not reconcile but continues to further the gap of hurt and unforgiveness that resides in the depths of many hearts. My heart broke for so many people involved.
• Sometimes I wish I didnt "feel" so much - that I didnt feel so many people's burdens, sadnesses, pains, etc. But that's the way God made me! With the gift of mercy. I must embrace and move on.
• Last night I had a vision when I shut my eyes that there was a dark "creature" flying around my head, sort of like a bat would. I knew it was the enemy. I had to pray mightily and speak Jesus' name aloud - in order for it to leave. And it did. It scared me a lot, made me realize even more that the spiritual battle is REAL. Our eternities are at stake, our daily lives are at stake, but Christ WILL get the victory. Wow. That was a powerful thing.

I hope to post on a more positive note soon. But as my friend Al says, "Dont stuff it - feel it and express it". Thanks for bearing with me in my sadness today.

SIDE NOTE: Okay, I couldnt let this go without telling some of the greatest parts of my weekend:

Meeting new cool people Friday night * playing Ninjas and other silly games until my guts were ready to bust from laughing * Spending a few days with Miya - she's a gem * Swimming! * Pride and Prejudice - LOVED it. Absolutely LOVED it. * My sisters, HuHott, Apple Store, I Spy.