Seven Times...

This picture is how I feel entering into 2006. Maybe it's the way that God has always used "climbing a mountain" as an example - a very real parallel - of what my life looks like. Oh Lord, bring the journey on...

Tonight, as I lay in bed - God met me in a deep and very real way. For the first time in a long time, I found myself with my journal in prayer to the Lord, crying out from the depths of my heart and soul. As I wrote, I thought to myself "There is no way I will get anything out of this..."

To my disbelief, God answered with a mighty rush of the Spirit. I am SO THANKFUL to know the Lord. I am. Tonight He made so many things click and make sense. I have a deep-set belief (a lie) that because of certain sin in my life, I have ruined intimacy with the Lord. Tonight I confessed it, and revealed to God how I just stop trying because I feel like it's hopeless and pointless. But He reminded me of example after example of "prodigal sons" He brought home, in His word and in lives of people I've met. God's history is victory!!! Even in the life of the greatest sinner - which I feel like is me. Especially in college, I felt like every year was more and more victorious. Then my one act of "great sin" (in my eyes) turned into many upon many sins. All the sudden I found myself in a gaping hole, unsure of how to get out. The only way I dealt with it was to run and hide. "How could this happen to me?" I thought. "Of all people - I thought "I should be strong! I should be free from sin! I cant have this happen to me!" I fell into the lie of "perfection" - that as a strong christian, I had to be perfect. I just had to be. Or I was a failure...

Tonight God reminded me of this verse, and it is going to be my theme for the year "For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again." Proverbs 24:16. What a verse of TRUTH that came at the exact time I needed to hear it! I am going to fall in this life - over, and over, and over again. I can fall and try to hide it from the world - but it will always be exposed before the Lord. I am confident that tonight begins a big journey, a journey of ceasing to run and hide from the Lord, of trying to do it on my own and with my own strength, and one that will be full of advenure, opportunity, challenge, and deep and intense growth in my faith. I am more than excited to start the climb!

So, here I am. 9,000 feet above sea level - staring up at the 14,000 foot peak before me. I've got my light on (the Lord), I've got warm layers of clothes on (as the journey heats up and I rise in altitude, I can shed the layers of sin and layers He wants me to rid of in my life), and I've got my pack of gear (the Word of truth, sisters in Christ, prayer). I am more than anxious and expectant that this journey up the mountain will not end in vain - it will be worth the trek. No matter where it ends, I want to be able to look back down this mountain and remember the times I wanted to stop, remember the times I wanted to take my own path but God led me to the one layed ahead of my time, and I want to be sure I've been content that every step along the way (whether it led in the right direction or the wrong) was worth it. I cant wait for the glorious view at the top of this climb, but from here, I know the view will surely look good.

I love you Jesus. You give me reason to LIVE, you give me the very BREATH to remain, and you REVIVE my soul. Humbly, I come before you, and no matter how often - you cause me to rise again. Your word is truth, my life is purposed, I am saved. Move among us, O Lord. God I pray for Hilary tonight, that you move powerfully in her. Apart from your word, her written and spoken words have challenged me more than she will ever know. Grow us to be women who fight for Life with you, and who will fight for freedom and salvation in the lives of all we meet on this earth. Make our treks this year destined for the goal, and may the view at the top take our breath away...
"For the sake of Jacob My servant, and Israel My chosen one, I have also called you by your name; I have given you a title of honor though you have not acknowledged me. I am the Lord, and there is no other, besides Me there is no God. I will gird you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the Lord, and there is no other." Isaiah 45:4-6