A Day of Remembrance and Reflection

This post goes out to all my girls who are hurting, who are mourning, and who are desiring freedom in the Lord. I have two close friends who are deeply desiring to be FREE, and it stirs in my heart old issues, old experiences, and remembrances of times when I longed to be free. Free from hurt, free from pain, free from my own sin, you know the story. Today has been a day of reflection and somber attitude. I just cant shake this feeling of sadness and hurt. Im right there with you sisters. I think God's way of using me is through mercy - I literally "feel" what you all feel. Deeply. Sometimes, even my husband will ask and pry to what is "wrong" with me, but my answer always comes up empty. Sometimes I dont even KNOW why I feel the way I do - but God has molded me to believe that it's His way of keeping my attitude of prayer and my Spirit of service connected to your lives.

So to A.L.D and J.K.S. these words go out to you -

As I bow my head To hide the wave of grief I feel Your steady gaze And know You know my need.
I'm crying and alone Often feeling of no use I'm broken and ashamed So sick of the abuse.
I see the cross, the sacrifice The man suffering for me. I thank You for Your son, Lord Who died to set me free .
I pray that You would hold me That You'd heal me inside out I ask You to transform me That I would not stray or doubt .
Lord I know You're watching over me That You hold me in Your hand So I'm clinging to the promise That I'll see the promised land
Hanni (a blog post I found today)

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. When we forgive a person, the memory of the wound might stay with us for a long time, even throughout our lives. Sometimes we carry the memory in our bodies as a visible sign. But forgiveness changes the way we remember. It converts the curse into a blessing. When we forgive our parents for their divorce, our children for their lack of attention, our friends for their unfaithfulness in crisis, our doctors for their ill advice, we no longer have to experience ourselves as the victims of events we had no control over.Forgiveness allows us to claim our own power and not let these events destroy us; it enables them to become events that deepen the wisdom of our hearts. Forgiveness indeed heals memories.
Henri Nouwen (also found on a blog today -it's obvious my day is all interconnected by God's mighty hand!!!)

Friends, I love you and am praying for you today.

Lord, thank you for the spiritual gift of mercy. Though I sometimes see it as a burden, or complain about crying so much, you use this gift to minister to others in my life. It is worth it for their sake, and for your glory, O Lord. God, would you keep JKS at peace and wrapped in your loving arms as she sleeps now, and would you awaken her with great purpose, vision, and drive for the last day of January. Lord, I ask that ALD would experience freedom and revival in her heart. I ask that you draw her intimately into your presence, and that she would see herself through the eyes of Christ. Shield us from lies, guilt, and shame, O Lord, for your name's sake. I love you Lord, and trust in your promises and ask for your will to be done in my friends' lives. Amen.

The Lord is Near to Me

Wow. I was blown away last night in my quiet time. I am constantly amazed at how God is so near to the heart that beats within me. He confirms again and again that He is the one that makes my heart beat the way it does, for the things it beats for. He is the dream-giver, the inspiration maker, the Lord of my life. Last night I began a new study about the names of the Lord. I am very excited to know my God in new ways, to study deeply the Names that He is crowned by, and the power that lies within them. So here's the very first passage the study looks at:

"May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble! May the name of the God of Jacob set you securely on high! May He send you help from the sanctuary and support you from Zion! May He remember all your meal offerings and find your burnt offering acceptable!
Selah.
May He grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your counsel! We will sing for joy over your victory, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the Lord fulfill all your petitions. Now I know that the Lord saves His annointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand. Some boast in chariots and some in horses, but we will boast in the name of the Lord our God. They have bowed down and fallen, but we have risen and stood upright. Save, O Lord; may the King answer us in the day we call." -Psalm 20

WOW.

I cant even being to describe how much this passage meets me right where Im at in my life! Here are a few ways that this verse did just that:

• The name of the Lord is what sets us secure, it's what we trust in
• Our "meal offerings" and "burnt offering" - what we give to the Lord, the fruits of our labors, the sacrifices for His sake - He finds them acceptable!
• God WANTS to grant us our heart's desire - I trust it's when our desires are His will.
• "counsel" actually means "Purpose". To me, I read that God will fulfill all of our purpose on this earth - our lives are not in vain, not to just live and die - but to fulfill a purpose. That inspires me.
• God will fulfill all our petitions - what perfect timing as I am praying specifically for so many of my friends. God WILL ANSWER.
• "victory" actually means "salvation". I am trusting God for the salvation of many, especially for Kie from Japan. And from his right hand - Jesus Christ is at the right hand of God. Oh Jesus, will you save those you've chosen...
• He answers us in the day we call. I will not stop praying, knowing that today God will answer - maybe it's like a puzzle. We pray, and pray and pray. And then the puzzle is completed by God - He with His mighty strength takes the fragrant offerings of prayer with His will and His timing and creates and ANSWER, often unique and not exactly what we think it'll look like. I love the mysteries of God...

So. Im pretty stoked. God pretty much spurred my heart on towards even greater diligence in praying for these friends, and in seeking more of who He is and what powers are held in His name.

The Desire of My Heart

I want to go to Japan. Bad. It's like an ache, a yearning in my heart. I want to have Japanese friends. If you are reading this - will you join with me in prayer that God would connect me with people living in the Des Moines area who are here from Japan and who are my age? I desire a close relationship so much with a woman from Japan.

Joanna - I miss you today. Just like you said you missed me last night! It's so strange. I think our spirits are connected with a common purpose. I am still anticipating the Lord moving in a unique way through our prayer requests.

And Im out.

Question of the Day

So, I was reading another's blog and stole this question. I stole it to post here mostly because I am very curious what the rest of the world's answer is.

Why do I get so hungry at work during the day, when at home I can go the entire day and simply forget to eat?

So that is my question for the day. What are your thoughts? It is definately true of me.

Seven Times...

This picture is how I feel entering into 2006. Maybe it's the way that God has always used "climbing a mountain" as an example - a very real parallel - of what my life looks like. Oh Lord, bring the journey on...

Tonight, as I lay in bed - God met me in a deep and very real way. For the first time in a long time, I found myself with my journal in prayer to the Lord, crying out from the depths of my heart and soul. As I wrote, I thought to myself "There is no way I will get anything out of this..."

To my disbelief, God answered with a mighty rush of the Spirit. I am SO THANKFUL to know the Lord. I am. Tonight He made so many things click and make sense. I have a deep-set belief (a lie) that because of certain sin in my life, I have ruined intimacy with the Lord. Tonight I confessed it, and revealed to God how I just stop trying because I feel like it's hopeless and pointless. But He reminded me of example after example of "prodigal sons" He brought home, in His word and in lives of people I've met. God's history is victory!!! Even in the life of the greatest sinner - which I feel like is me. Especially in college, I felt like every year was more and more victorious. Then my one act of "great sin" (in my eyes) turned into many upon many sins. All the sudden I found myself in a gaping hole, unsure of how to get out. The only way I dealt with it was to run and hide. "How could this happen to me?" I thought. "Of all people - I thought "I should be strong! I should be free from sin! I cant have this happen to me!" I fell into the lie of "perfection" - that as a strong christian, I had to be perfect. I just had to be. Or I was a failure...

Tonight God reminded me of this verse, and it is going to be my theme for the year "For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again." Proverbs 24:16. What a verse of TRUTH that came at the exact time I needed to hear it! I am going to fall in this life - over, and over, and over again. I can fall and try to hide it from the world - but it will always be exposed before the Lord. I am confident that tonight begins a big journey, a journey of ceasing to run and hide from the Lord, of trying to do it on my own and with my own strength, and one that will be full of advenure, opportunity, challenge, and deep and intense growth in my faith. I am more than excited to start the climb!

So, here I am. 9,000 feet above sea level - staring up at the 14,000 foot peak before me. I've got my light on (the Lord), I've got warm layers of clothes on (as the journey heats up and I rise in altitude, I can shed the layers of sin and layers He wants me to rid of in my life), and I've got my pack of gear (the Word of truth, sisters in Christ, prayer). I am more than anxious and expectant that this journey up the mountain will not end in vain - it will be worth the trek. No matter where it ends, I want to be able to look back down this mountain and remember the times I wanted to stop, remember the times I wanted to take my own path but God led me to the one layed ahead of my time, and I want to be sure I've been content that every step along the way (whether it led in the right direction or the wrong) was worth it. I cant wait for the glorious view at the top of this climb, but from here, I know the view will surely look good.

I love you Jesus. You give me reason to LIVE, you give me the very BREATH to remain, and you REVIVE my soul. Humbly, I come before you, and no matter how often - you cause me to rise again. Your word is truth, my life is purposed, I am saved. Move among us, O Lord. God I pray for Hilary tonight, that you move powerfully in her. Apart from your word, her written and spoken words have challenged me more than she will ever know. Grow us to be women who fight for Life with you, and who will fight for freedom and salvation in the lives of all we meet on this earth. Make our treks this year destined for the goal, and may the view at the top take our breath away...
"For the sake of Jacob My servant, and Israel My chosen one, I have also called you by your name; I have given you a title of honor though you have not acknowledged me. I am the Lord, and there is no other, besides Me there is no God. I will gird you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the Lord, and there is no other." Isaiah 45:4-6

The Desire to Be Known and to Make Known

So today, I found another random blogger on the web. Her blerp beside her description, part of it, reads:
"I am passionate about learning people's spiritual stories--how we got where we are, how we keep going and what we dream of becoming. "

My immediate reaction to this was "Wow, I like this girl. Sounds interesting." So I read up on her blog posts, and left my two cents worth in her comments. Then I got to thinking...

And it hit me. This thought came out of nowhere, but it's repeating itself in my head, over and over again. "I WANT TO BE KNOWN." The more I think about it, the more I believe that this just may be everyone's desire - that we be known. Not just the oh-his or her-name-is-..... kind of known. But the deep, intimate understanding and relationship attaining knowing of who someone is. It's just got me thinking about why this woman's words stuck out to me so much. And I realize, my heart was thinking "she is interested in me. Even though she doesnt have a clue who I am, she wants to know my story! Wow. Someone is interested? And I want to tell someone!"

Is that wierd? I dont know. I think something deep down inside of me was brought to the surface today when I read those words. And it has also inspired me to take more initiative in contacting others, getting to know their stories, what makes them tick. To catch back up with lost friends, ask people how they are really doing. It goes both ways. What an enlightening day.

Prayer

I would like anyone out there, who would welcome prayer, to let me know 5 specific ways I can pray for you in 2006. I've been gathering these from my friends, and am really excited to pray specifically. "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective in accomplishing much." This is my motivation. I heard a sermon once that said the actual Hebrew or Greek translation says "The specific prayer..." so I would like to pray specifically, if He might be moved to act in a MIGHTY way in your lives.

Leave them in the comment section, or send me an email if you'd like me to pray for you for 5 specific things this year.

Home Sick

So, here I am at home, sick. No fun. Sorry about the lack of blog entries. I guess the beginning of the year is starting on a rough note - hoping that this is no reflection of the rest of the year!!!

I have too much confidence and expectancy that God is going to use this year of my life in a unique and challenging way. Im hopeful at the way He will move with His might.

Until the swelling in my throat and my fever go down -

KB