This Constant Inner-Battle

I have come to a decision in my thinking, thanks to some wise words from wise men. It is entirely necessary for me to enjoy, drink deeply, and live in the fullness and greatness of this season of my life. I am constantly waiting and hoping for that next best thing. But this is where God placed me. And based on circumstances, I know that 2006 will be spent here in central Iowa while Marcus finishes his B.A. And I realize every day what a joy the people are in my life: I am fully stressed in my job, but I love the people I work with. I may not have forever on this earth to spend with my family - so I am thankful for holidays at home, weekend/weekday visits to see my relatives, and to watch my beautiful niece grow into the person she was created to be. These days are fleeting, and I have a new zeal to enjoy it to the fullest, because the end of my days here is always uncertain.

But on the other hand - I have been encouraged today to keep my dreams alive! God has given me desires in my heart that I can no longer supress. I know it is not my own initiative that conjured up these desires and passions - it is the Lord! Why else would I dream of living in Japan for life? Why else would I want to sell everything I have to give to the poor and to those who are fundraising and need money more than me? Why else would I desire to die for sharing my faith? These are God-given desires, and they may seem crazy - but they fester in my heart, deep below the smily surface of my face and appearance. I want my life to count, I dont want to waste it and let my days trickle away until it's time to go home. And I dont want to waste the passions and talents God has given me - and right now they are sitting idle in my head and heart. I just want to be used, Lord, used to the fullest in the best means you intend for me.

This year, I am going to be praying big. I want to be amazed and caused to fall face-down in the dirt in humility and awe when God moves and answers prayer in ways I could never "ask for or even imagine." It excites me and thrills me to think of what He might do in this next year, both here in central Iowa and to prepare my husband and I to move on.

Who knows. Who knows. Only God-Almighty. And I am okay living today and waiting on Him for tomorrow.

Best Friend

Jo,

Okay, so I know I said I was going to stop writing "to" someone, but I thought I'd make an exception!

I just want you to know that the old saying is true "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." Even though we didnt "see" each other a whole lot, we still talk a lot, ever since I met you in 2003. And ever since you moved to Japan, God has been stirring my heart about the importance of our friendship.

You are my best friend, Jo.

Marcus is probably my best friend, but somehow, that doesnt count! Nothing can compare to a best-girl-friend. You are IT, my dear. Thanks for sticking by me through all my sin, my crap, and for rejoicing with the good in my life. I hope that these next two years lead to nothing less than a stronger friendship than before you left. You are a blessing and a light unto the world. SHINE my friend, and SHINE BRIGHTLY. Stand at the top of a hill, and let no bush or breath of satan blow you out. You get out there and do your thang! :) And remember what I said in my email - I am praying those things specifically, and I believe God has given us friendship at this time in our lives very intentionally. There is greater reason than you or I know.

I love you deeply, my good friend.

PS-For some reason, I am remembering that time we spent crying after an early-in-the-summer SNASM, when we talked to Drew. Remember? Remember how we felt so helpless? I feel like God wants to reveal to us something GREAT this year...something HUGE and MIGHTY. Maybe God wants do to the greater than we can even ask for or imagine. Do we dare hope and pray for it to blossom forth? I think you know the answer...missing you friend, but knowing you and I are in the right place for this season.

My Friend, Jo

Hey Everyone -

So, today I just felt like "filtering the goodness" from my life to yours. I love my friend Joanna so much, and she is currently in Japan for the next 2 years ministering to Japanese students. Praise God for His faithfulness to save and redeem my friend Jo, and for her faithfulness in return to go and give of her life for 2-3 years. I am proud of her.

I just wanted you all to know that her blog is worth reading. She speaks from her heart, she shares great stories, and her pictures are precious. If you feel like checking out her "spot", here it is. Click the link above.

PS-I also have a desire to change my blog. I feel I tend to write now to "please the readers" or write as though Im actually talking to one of you! So, my heart is telling me to stop. Because for some reason I am feeling really hesitant to write, afraid of what someone might think. SO...I am going to be revamping my blog soon. I am hoping in my heart that it will become more like a journal. Going back to the days when words flowed freely through my fingertips, writing as though nobody would ever read what I have to say. I actually dont know if anything will change, but we'll see! My intentions are changing, anyways.

PPS-It's funny to me how every year I hear "what are your new year resolutions?" Well, this year it's like God is impressing some amazing things on my heart, without me even seeking them out. I am super thankful for it! I have a lot of goals for the next year, because of what He has been pushing me to do. Im looking forward very much to the start of a new year... maybe I will share more another time. Inquire if you will!

At Work...Yet Not So Much

So, today Im at work, but is it wierd that I dont feel like Im really at work? Listening to Christmas music on various CDs, laughing about the humorous sayings that were passed around yesterday, and the conversations about weekend Christmas plans.

Tis the Season to be thankful to the Lord! He has made my heart glad today. I am truly blessed to be working here.

Ooh, and I want to say something to Derek, who so graciously left a comment on my blog entry a few back...thank you for challenging me to make the most of where Im at. My ministry really is right where I am. There will always be the dream and work to get there - to the place I really believe God has created my heart for ministry - but for now, there is much to be done where I am. This past week especially the theme God taught me really was enjoying this season -making the most of where HE has brought me. I should stop fighting to get out and start fighting for the souls here around me.

So thanks.

Merry Christmas to all!

And if anyone feels like celebrating with me, my birthday is in 4 days! :)

The Winning Team!

Todd, Mike, me and Anton


So this is the winning team! Last Friday, we had a "Crock-Off" at work. We were divided into teams of 4, and each team was in charge of picking a soup, cooking it, and presenting it in a crock pot. Well, the best team won!

You can barely see, but we presented our soup on an authentic place mat, complete with a china bowl, real-silver spoon, homemade crackers, cloth napkins in a silver napkin ring, and a small glass with a lit candle.

I think that may have been the clincher! Not forgetting the aprons and chef hats, complete with our team name "Souperstars!"

Oh what fun for a work day. Gotta love those holiday parties!

Seven Somethings...

7 Things to Do Before I Die:

1. Visit or live in Japan and see my roomate Nagi one more time on Earth
2. Disciple a woman who would make a global impact
3. To have a child. Actually three, if I can be so bold as to ask for more than one
4. Visit or be a missionary in an unreached village or people group
5. Write a book
6. Learn another language fluently
7. See the world - the 7 wonders - or visit as many famous nature/buildings locations.

7 Things I Cannot Do:

1. Dance with talent
2. Sing high notes
3. A backhandspring
4. Extend patience and grace on a daily and momentary basis
5. Stop desiring that yummy M&M DQ Blizzard...
6. Confront people
7. Burp. Seriously.

7 Things That Attract Me To My Husband:

1. His passion for God
2. His love for men and desire to see them live for Jesus
3. His love of the outdoors and crazy climbing skills
4. The way he pursued/pursues me still
5. The fact that he will eat ANYTHING
6. He makes people laugh
7. He was spared from stage 3 cancer - God MUST have a purpose for his life.

7 Things I Say Most:

1. Shoot!
2. What-ev
3. For sure
4. Totally
5. Yeppers
6. Alrighty
7. Peace out

7 Books Or Series I Love:

1. Redeeming Love
2. There's a Girl in My Hammerlock
3. The Bible
4. Blue Like Jazz
5. The Greatest Salesman in the World
6. Little House on the Prairie
7. The Polar Express

7 Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again:

1. You've Got Mail
2. Kate and Leopold
3. Sleepless in Seattle (do you see a theme here?)
4. Forest Gump
5. Shawshank Redemption
6. 16 Candles
7. Braveheart

7 Bloggers To Tag:

1. http://joannakay.blogspot.com
2. http://derekpine.blogspot.com
3. http://crissaleeindc.blogspot.com/
4. http://mybeautifuljourney.blogspot.com
5. http://spaces.msn.com/members/helloworld83/
6. http://www.xanga.com/whereisdonde
7. http://women-in-leadership.blogspot.com

Copy and re-post if so desire! :)

Is This For Real???

YES!

It is for real folks. To all of you who are blonde, I am not trying to offend anyone. It is just FUNNY.

My dad said this car was in Boone about a month ago. The photo was passed around among the people he works with at the office.

I thought I'd share some humor for the day!

We Be Crazy, Folks!

So, I love my husband. I dont talk about him much on my blog, because a lot of things are really personal. But today, I felt the need to share him with you all!

Some know him well, some not at all. No matter. Marcus: he's a dream-maker. He's a life-giver. And greatest of all, he's a joy to be married to. We're young. We're in love. We're ambitious. I cant wait to see what the rest of life holds for us now that we're together.

So Marcus-here's to you. You are my other half, and I love you.

Let it Snow...

So, today I drove to work with Marcus. It was snowing and slippery, and we couldnt very well see the road ahead of us, so we decided to take the interstate instead of the back roads. Once we hit I-35, we were gonners. Driving to work usually takes about 40 minutes, tops. Today - one hour and forty-five minutes. Yep. Stuck in traffic. Probably averaged about 10-15 miles per hour. Saw about 5 to 10 different cars in a wreck; saw lots of loose tire and car parts strewn all over the roads. Not a good day for driving.

If we thought that was bad...I heard from my brother in law, who lives about 20 minutes from his place of work. Took him over an hour to get to work today! Snow is crazy. Driving is crazy.

Ah, the joys of a winter in Iowa.

Movie Madness!

One the lighter side of life....I have been and continue to be a huge movie fan!

copy, and repost!! Choose which movies you've seen and what you've liked/disliked. Take a tally by marking the following options:

column one -- saw it
column two -- liked it

(x)(x) Pirates of the Caribbean ( )( ) Boondock Saints ( )( ) The Mexican
( )( ) Fight Club ( )( ) Starsky and Hutch ( )( ) Neverending Story
( )( ) Blazing Saddles ( )( ) Garden State (x)(x) The Princess Bride
(x)(x) Young Frankenstien ( )( ) Anchorman (x)(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( )( ) Saw ( )( ) White Noise ( )( ) White Oleander
( )( ) Anger Management (x)(x) My Best Friends Wedding
(x)(x) Father of the Bride (x)(x) Bring It On ( )( ) Coyote Ugly
(x)(x) Dirty Dancing (x)(x) 50 First Dates (x)(x) Scream
(x)( x) Scream 2 (x)(x) Scream 3 ( )( ) Scary Movie
( )( ) Scary Movie 2 ( )( ) Scary Movie 3 (x)( ) American Pie
( )( ) American Pie 2 ( )( ) American Wedding (x)(x) Harry Potter
( )( ) Harry Potter 2 ( )( ) Harry Potter 3 ( )( ) Resident Evil I
( )( ) Resident Evil 2 (x)(x) The Wedding Singer( )( ) Little Black Book
(x)(x) Forrest Gump (x)(x) Kate & Leopold (x)(x) Miss Congeniality
( )( ) The Village ( )( ) Donnie Darko ( )( ) Lilo & Stitch
(x)(x) Finding Nemo (x)(x) Finding Neverland ( )( ) 13 Ghosts
(x)(x) Signs (x)(x) The Grinch ( )( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( )( ) White Chicks ( )( ) Butterfly Effect (x)(x) Thirteen going on 30
(x)(x) I, Robot ( )( ) Dodgeball ( )( ) Universal Soldier
( )( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events (x)(x) Along Came A Spider
( )( ) Deep impact ( )( ) The Wedding Date (x)(x) When Harry Met Sally
(x)( ) KingPin (x)(x) Never Been Kissed (x)(x) Meet The Parents
(x)( ) Meet the Fockers (x)(x) A Cinderella Story (x)(x) The Terminal
( )( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie ( )( ) Passport to Paris (x)(x) Dumb & Dumber
( )( ) Dumb & Dumberer (x)( ) Final Destination ( )( ) Final Destination 2
( )( ) Halloween ( )( ) The Ring ( )( ) The Ring 2
( )( ) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle ( )( ) Practical Magic
( )( ) Chicago ( )( ) Ghost Ship ( )( ) From Hell
( )( ) Hellboy (x)(x) Secret Window (x)(x) I Am Sam
(x)(x) The Whole Nine Yards ( )( ) The Whole Ten Yards (x)(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x)( ) Child's Play ( )( ) Bride of Chucky (x)(x) Ten Things I Hate About You( )( ) Just Married ( )( ) Gothika ( )( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x)(x) Sixteen Candles ( )( ) Bad Boys ( )( ) Bad Boys 2
(x)( ) Joy Ride (x)( ) Seven (SE7EN) (x)(x) Oceans Eleven
(x)(x) Oceans Twelve ( )( ) Identity ( )( ) Lone Star
( )( ) Predator I ( )( ) Predator II (x)(x) Independence day
( )( ) Cujo ( )( ) A Bronx Tale ( )( ) Darkness Falls
( )( ) Christine (x)(x) ET (x)( ) Children of the Corn
( )( ) My Boss' Daughter (x)(x) Maid in Manhattan ( )( ) Frailty
( )( ) Best bet (x)(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)(x) She's All That ( )( ) Calendar Girls ( )( ) Sideways
( )( ) Mars Attacks ( )( ) Event Horizon (x)(x) Ever After
(x)(x) Forrest Gump ( )( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x)(x) X-men 1 (x)(x) X-men 2 (x)(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x)(x) The Others (x)(x) Freaky Friday ( )( ) Ring of Fire
( )( ) The Hot Chick ( )( ) Swimfan ( )( ) Miracle
( )( ) Old School (x)(x) Ray ( )( ) The Notebook
( )( ) K-Pax (x)(x) Sleepless In Seattle (x)(x) You've Got Mail
(x)(x) That Thing You Do (x)(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x)(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x)(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (x)(x) A Walk to Remember
( )( ) Boogeyman (x)(x) Hitch ( )( ) The Fifth Element
( )( ) Drive Me Crazy (x)(x) Good Will Hunting (x)(x) Someone Like You
(x)( ) Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace
(x)( ) Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones
( )( ) Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith
(x)( ) Star Wars episode IV A New Hope
(x)( ) Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(x)( ) Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi... ( )( ) Troop Beverly Hills
( )( ) Swimming with Sharks (x)(x) Air Force One ( )( ) For Richer or Poorer
( )( ) Trainspotting ( )( ) People under the stairs ( )( ) Blue Velvet
(x)(x) Sound of music (x)(x) Parent Trap (x)(x) The Burbs
(x)( ) The Terminator (x)(x) Empire Records ( )( ) SLC Punk
(x)(x) Meet Joe Black ( )( ) A Clockwork Orange ( )( ) The Order
(x)(x) Spiderman ( )( ) Spiderman 2 ( )( ) Amelie
( )( ) Bridget Jones' Diary ( )( ) Bridget Jones: Beyond the Edge of Reason
(x)( ) 28 Days (x)(x) Mrs. Doubtfire (x)(x) While You Were Sleeping( )( ) Mean Girls (x)(x) Shrek (x)(x) Shrek 2
(x)(x) The Incredibles (x)(x) Collateral (x)(x) The Fast & The Furious( )( ) 2 Fast 2 Furious ( )( ) Sky Captain Of The World Of Tomorrow
(x)(x) Closer (x)(x) Titanic (x)( ) Saved!
( )( ) Bowling For Columbine ( )( ) Farenheit 9/11 (x)(x) The Sixth Sense
( )( ) Artificial intelligence (AI) (x)(x) Love actually ( )( ) Ella Enchanted
(x)(x) Princess diaries 1 ( )( ) Princess diaries 2 ( )( ) Constantine
(x)(x) Million Dollar Baby ( )( ) Envy ( )( ) Eurotrip
( )( ) Malibu's Most wanted (x)(x) Big Daddy (x)(x) Black Sheep
(x)(x) The Breakfast Club (x)(x) West side story (x)(x) Now & Then
(x)(x) A Christmas Story (x)(x) Spanglish (x)( ) Pulp Fiction
( )( ) Sleepover ( )( ) The Evil Dead
( )( ) Killer Klowns From Outer Space ( )( ) The Seed of chucky
(x)( ) Vanilla Sky ( )( ) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x)( ) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind ( )( ) Interview With a Vampire( )( ) The Crow ( )( ) Purple Rain ( )( ) Reservoir Dogs
(x)(x) Wayne's World (x)(x) Wayne's World 2 (x)(x) Grease
(x)(x) Stepmom (x)(x) Runaway Bride ( )( ) 21 Grams
( )( ) Blow (x)(x) Edward Scissorhands ( )( ) Clerks
(x)(x) Beauty and the Beast ( )( ) Guess who ( )( ) Monster In-Law
(x)(x) Elf ( )( ) Stuart Little ( )( ) Stuart Little 2
(x)(x) Mall Rats (x)(x) Chasing Amy ( )( ) Dogma
( )( ) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back ( )( ) Beetlejuice
(x)(x) The Last Samurai ( )( ) The Amityville Horror (x)( ) The Aviator
(x)(x) Romeo and Juliet (x)( ) Barbershop ( )( ) Beauty Shop
(x)(x) Legally Blonde ( )( ) Legally Blonde 2 ( )( ) The Forgotten
( )( ) Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen ( )( ) Grudge
(x)(x) Dead Poets Society (x)(x) Pretty Woman (x)(x) The Mask
( )( ) The Majestic (x)(x) Bruce Almighty (x)(x) Little Women
(x)(x) Mr. Deeds (x)( ) Cable Guy (x)( ) Charlie's Angels

Total Seen: 130
Total Liked:107

Pain in the Heart

I have a good friend suffering from a broken heart right now. Breakups SUCK! Man...yuck. It makes my heart hurt and remember all those broken pieces of my heart that had to be patched back together and re-shaped as my heart was put back together. Im serious - it's that real!

Well, to my anonymous friend (you know who you are) - God is very real, and I know you are experiencing His realness and closeness. These days are hard, but I am confident one day you will heal completely, and you WILL BE stronger, bolder, wiser, and more ready to face your days in this world with God's confidence. I trust in that for you, and know it true in my life. I love you and want you to know you are a treasure. Im so thankful for your obedience to God, and for the coming steps you are about to take in your life. Praise God that you do not have to deal with more consequences down the road, that you found out now. You said it yourself - you've been spared more hurt.

Well, to all you experiencing pain in the heart - it's a very deep and real pain - be encouraged. God has a plan and wants to work things out FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.
Let's stand on that together.

What is happening?

I feel like things are going crazy in my life! I havent even posted a blog since November 30th? Where is the time going? Why are days flying past me? Sometimes I sit and just think, pretty much I sit and think all the time. Lately I have been having strange thoughts. Just wonderings, really. Wondering why time flies faster now than ever before. Wondering how it happened that Im married now! Sometimes it feels like Im just playing make-believe, like when I was younger I'd play house with my sisters. I wonder what am I doing with my life? Why am I here in this job when my heart longs to be elsewhere? Will I ever make friends again? Will I ever find the time to do the things I really want to do in this life?

I found out my grandpa has lung cancer. It's stage 4. Im getting worried, even though everyone who's been there says it's a waste of energy to worry. Well, I cant help it. And I think it's causing other thoughts, randomly, to creep into my head. I dont want to waste my life. I DONT WANT TO WASTE MY LIFE. My heart is screaming out for something more, and Im feeding it with meager morsels of pop culture, hit tv shows, and laziness. I feel trapped, and I dont want to be trapped. I want to make the most out of every opportunity, and stop wasting away. I dont want to get to the end of my life and be content collecting seashells in a warm climate. And most of all, I dont want my grandpa to die. He has so much to give, so much potential, and so much love for all of us, for people in this world. Why now? Why him? My heart is crying out.

I do believe God allows things like this to happen with great purpose. I am thankful for this wake-up call. I am thankful to be so close to him, to be with him during what could be his last days, to be able to watch him get more serious and intentional with his life. I hope that I will be sparked by his energy and by the Spirit of the Lord to get SERIOUS about my life.

I love you, Grandpa. And hope I can show you more and more.